I Wish To Live Deliberately

I am taking a course this semester that is usually taken by most students when they are just starting school. It is a humanities course, it involves reading and discussing what you have read. I needed one more class to fill my schedule and I figured I like the professor teaching it so why not take the class. Each year he changes his themes for his classes, this year it is ecology, environment, and politics of the world. If you know me, I have strong opinions on all these things.

Anyways, our first reading assignment was Walden, by Henry David Thoreau. I read the chapters that we needed to read so I was ready to discuss and interpret what Thoreau was saying. There was a resounding distaste and genuine dislike of Thoreau's writing. Freshman students said they had to read each page a few times to begin to understand what he is saying and they grumbled that we still had several chapters to read.

My professor listened to the other students and discussed what they had said and then he came to me. I said, "I enjoyed it; is Thoreau my favorite author... no, but I appreciate the way he writes, the words he uses, his irony, symbolism, and use of rhetorical hyperbole's". Though a reader may not always like the styling that an author uses or what an author has to say, the reader can always find pieces in a book that offers something for them. I think if some of these students would have stopped and read aloud what they were reading and take away the 19 century speaking style there are things to learn from in this book.

I understand Walden is not an easy book to read and I am not saying I begin to understand everything that is written in this book but Walden emphasized the importance of solitude, contemplation, and finding a closeness to nature. He believed that man should be independent and not depend on worldly matters so much. Really, what he has to say is simple but just complex to read.

That is life, life becomes so complex and we become caught up in what the world expects but if we step back, take a breath, contemplate, and spend a few moments in silence, things begin to become clearer and a maybe a little bit simpler.

Maybe if this would have been my first class my attitude would have been different but I think I have learned to take a deep breath and try to appreciate all the knowledge that I have been given .....

"When we are unhurried and wise, we perceive that only great and worthy things have
any permanent and absolute existence, that petty fears and petty pleasures are but
the shadows of the reality". ~ Henry David Thoreau, Walden

Version 1 or Version 2?

2011, Version 1:


Day 1 of the 2011: At an estimated time of 7:00 some juvenile delinquents decided to shoot my front window with B.B.'s which resulted in two golf ball size holes making it necessary to replace the window. Did not know this is what happened, the four year old and mother heard the noise.


Day 2 of 2011: Realized what the strange sound was the night before ( the window mentioned above). Filled out police report


Day 4 of 2011: Realized have crappy homeowners insurance and will be paying out of pocket for new front windows.


Day 5 of 2011: Husbands work decided to not pay on scheduled payday but the day after. Had mortgage payment and utilities waiting to go through bank at any time. Potential disaster because we are in the process of refinancing and we cannot bounce mortgage payment. Crisis diverted through the generous aid of my mother-in-law; would have bounced mortgage payment otherwise.


Day 7 of 2011: Four year old decided to head dive into the brick fireplace and produced a large gash in the side of hear head that required two staples, and hundreds of dollars in an E.R. visit.


Day 9 of 2011: Our angel fish found dead...still waiting for body to float to the top of the tank so it can have a proper flush burial.


2011, Version 2:


Day 1 of 2011: Got to spend the new year with my mom,and after a health scare last year, being able to spend the beginning of the new year with her is truly a blessing.


Day 2 of 2011: Honestly it is time for new windows on the home, I guess this just forced the issue.


Day 4 of 2011: Made me more conscious of my insurance policy and the fine print. Will go through policy and make some changes or get new carrier to make sure we are always covered in these situations....lesson learned! Going to invest tax returns in new windows, will help with value on home and get a great discount through husbands work


Day 5 of 2011: So grateful for my in-laws and their help when we get stuck in positions such as potential bank mishaps.


Day 7 of 2011: A lot of laughs in the E.R. between husband and I as we sat staring at a four year old with a pink bandage wrapped around her head. This is part of the package when you decide to have kids...you spend your Saturday in the E.R. and have a story you can share with her later in life.


Day 9 of 2011: Lets face it fish die, that is what fish do, and that is what this fish did...bye, bye Mr. Angel R.I.P.............


It is all in how we look at life.... do we look at version 1 or do we look at version 2? I think I will try to focus on version 2 and it makes version 1 a little easier to manage.

The Gift Of Time

365 days gone in a blink of an eye! Was 2010 a stellar year.....no...was it a horrible year...no...in 365 days I felt heartbreak, stress, sorrow,anger, excitement, love, adventure, peace, and fulfillment .....all in a blink of an eye.


So how does one start a new year; with resolutions, goals, and a positive attitude, but for some reason we all seem to forget these new resolutions by mid January and begin grumbling about mounting stresses, and soon we are longing for a new year to begin.


I am guilty of this. I remember saying to myself at the beginning of 2010, "This is going to be a great year"! By mid February I was praying for the year to be over. We have such a short time here on this earth why would I want time to go faster? My own selfish reasons....I don't want to deal with what life is giving me, I am tried, I am stressed, I am hurt. It is human nature to do these things, to focus on the negatives and long for only the positive memories that we seem to conjure up in our head.


Here it is January 1, 2011 and I am contemplating on my past year and thinking about the year to come. So here is my new years resolution for 2011......Don't use the excuse that time will change things....I change things not time....it is not time that will heal old wounds, or if I am given more time I will succeed at my goal, or just give me more time and all will be a success. I heal old wounds, not time, I am the one in charge of my own success not time, it is me doing that, not time. I am given a set 365 days in a year...24 hours in a day ...it is up to me to do what I want with that time. I have been given a fresh gift, a gift of 365 days, the gift of time, now it is up to me to decide how I am going to use it.

These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things!

Favorite religious Christmas song: Silent Night, song makes me tear up every time.

Favorite non-religious Christmas Song: Christmas Song sung by Nat King Cole....chestnuts roasting on an open fire...jack frost nipping at your nose.........

Least favorite Christmas song: Christmas shoes...Hate! Hate! That song, Christmas music should not be depressing and that song is well....depressing! I call it the Jesus shoes song and I change the radio station when it comes on.

Favorite holiday treat: Magic cookie bars...that yummy layer of graham crackers, butter, sweetened condensed milk, chocolate chips and coconut all baked together into yummy yummness! Seriously I don't make them the rest of the year because it just would not be good for my health.

Least Favorite treat: I am sorry folks but fudge..just plain ol' chocolate fudge. I am my dad's daughter when it comes to fudge, I do not enjoy it at all. I would say any kind of divinity candy is a close second...blech, divinity!

Favorite holiday movie: This is hard My top three are Christmas Story, Christmas Vacation, and Elf. I watch these movies repeatedly through the holidays and never get tired of them.

Least Favorite Holiday movie: Okay so I feel like I can say this because I know a lot of people don't enjoy the Christmas Story as much as I do but I am not a huge fan of Its a Wonderful Life. I love Jimmy Stewart but I have seen the movie a couple times and I am fine with not seeing again. Its a personal thing, the show kinda annoys me. I want humor, and that show does not provide me with that comic relief.....

Favorite childhood present from Santa: Cabbage Patch doll. Edna Christabella was her name and she had red hair. I loved that doll! She went everywhere with me. She smelled like baby powder, and her hair was in pig tails, and I still have her in box packed away for safe keeping....like the movie Toy Story, she was my Woody doll.

Favorite Christmas story/book: The Grinch Who Stole Christmas. I love reading that book, I love Dr. Seuss. It would not be a Christmas without mention of the Grinch.

I also love eggnog, shopping for stockings, Temple Square Christmas lights, and I love Christmas Eve night, when the kids have gone to bed, there is a certain peace in the house, a peace that represents Christmas....the peace of Christmas, what a wonderful thing.

Do You See What I See?

Don't you remember that pure anticipation of Santa coming to visit? From Thanksgiving till December 25th Santa is all that plagued your mind when you were child. You believe with all your soul that this man knows everything about you and though he didn't always bring you what you wanted you seemed to get over it and look forward to the next year.

I know that when it comes to this time of year you want to make sure that your child understands the true meaning of Christmas. It is a time to celebrate our Savior's birth and to take the time to remember what a gracious gift we were given, and his birth is forever proof of the love that God has for us.

I know people think we get lost amongst the presents and the commercialized bustle but I don't necessarily believe that is all true....

I see children waiting for a man that loves all children, a man who is gentle and caring, a man who sees and hears all things, a man who gives....does this man not have the same qualities that our Savior has?

I see a time of year that we all stop and take the time to be with our family and friends. We want to spend time with those that are important to us. We come together and carry on traditions and make new traditions.... What could be more important to our Savior but to see the unity of families?

I see a time of year that most of us take the time to remember our neighbors and those who may be less fortunate than us. We want others to have what we have and give as best as we can. It also this time of year you see miracles and the true goodness of our fellow man....Don't you think the Savior feels these miracles?

I see the eye's of my four year old when she sees Santa and the quiet excitement of my twins and it warms my heart. It is such and innocent and pure love the kind of love that represents everything that our Savior is.

That is what I see at Christmas; I see love, family, tradition, joy, and giving. When I am up to my elbows in gift wrap, candy canes, baking goods, and crowded stores I will never forget the true meaning of Christmas.

It's a Wonderful Life...Sometimes!

Do you remember the scene in, Its a Wonderful Life, when George comes home after learning 8,000 dollars in cash has been lost and he will have to replace it. The house is chaos; one kid is sick, one kid is playing christmas songs on the piano, and kids are running everywhere; then George looses it, and yells at everyone, and storms out the door. Well I am not jumping off a bridge like George, but sometimes as a parent you just want to yell, you want to unleash, and storm out the door like George Bailey.

This time of year brings out a demon inside of children;"The Holy Crap, It is Almost Christmas So I Must Be Obnoxious Demon". It manifests itself into uncontrollable hyperness, constant wrestling, and well I will just say it, it turns children into full on s@#theads! This Christmas demon turns us parents into a sneering christmas ogre's who plead for Christmas day to come as fast as it can so the demon can be finally exorcised from our childrens' body.

I have one child practicing Jingle Bells on the piano while the other one is blowing into a recorder that is whistling a high pitch tune. The youngest is running circles around them while singing a non-coherent Christmas melody at her normal loud volume. They stop this brain piercing activity long enough to yell at each other because they feel the other is playing some note wrong. Then they begin making up their own songs, such as my favorite, "I'm gonna put my butt on you", sung to a slight blues melody and of course the grand finale is someone putting their butt on someone which leads to minutes of uncontrollable laughing.

I use the "Santa" threat; you know the one, you are getting nothing from Santa if you keep this up. They just look at me with disinterest and figure it is mom just being her usual ogre self and that "Santa" guy should put me on the naughty list for my George Bailey tirades.

Here is what I think, I don't think that every time a bell rings an angel gets its wing...... I think every time a bell rings..... another parent has lost their mind...That is where the song, "I Heard The Bells On Christmas Day" comes from..all parents have lost their mind by Christmas day. Now if you please excuse me I think I hear a ringing in my ears.......

"I Have Flies In My Tummy"

Every year after Christmas I go to Barnes and Noble and sift through their discounted children's christmas books. I usually buy one or two of them and put them away for the next year. At this point I have a pretty good stack of them, and I only pull them out at Christmas. When I begin to pull out christmas decorations that is the first thing the kids go looking for, and all through the holidays they sit and read these books.

Our bedtime routine with Makenzie goes as follows; give everyone a hug goodnight and tell them you love them; go potty, brush your teeth, and of course get that drink of water; find her beloved blankie, then she is tucked in bed and I always read her bedtime story. She is particularly excited now for bedtime stories because there is christmas books to read and they all involve that wonderful "Santa Dude".

The other night as we finished up, Twas the Night Before Christmas, she whispered in my ear, "I am so excited for Christmas, my tummy has flies in it". Let me interpret four year old language, she means, she has butterflies in her stomach.

Right there at that moment I wanted to take all that childhood excitement that was oozing out of her and bottle it. I wanted to forever remember her words, her emotions, her pure childhood happiness. Though it was just a brief moment of my day it was a brief moment that I wish I could replay and watch anytime I wanted.

The kids all are growing up so quick. The twins are changing into teenagers before my eye's and I see Makenzie growing just as fast...some days I just want it to slow down a little bit so I can forever remember all those brief little moments...............