Oh Tannenbaum

Merry "soon" to be Christmas. Yup, it is right around the corner and I still have 90% of my Christmas shopping to do, but my tree and decorations are done, so that should count for something.This is a picture from last year and it is decorated the same this year with a few different decorations added to the mix. I want to discuss my OCD tendencies that I have with my Christmas tree and whom I blame these OCD tendencies for.

I blame my father for this one, I said it, my father, not my OCD riddled mother. My father has a philosophy about putting christmas lights on a tree, you should squint, and if there is a lot of blank spots, meaning without light, then you do not have enough lights on your tree. So 6 hours later 1,000 plus strings of lights and vast amounts of squinting I finally have enough lights on my tree. Finding a tree growing up was one of the few times my father shopped around, we had to touch the tree, shake the tree, look for fullness and density, and once all these criteria were met did we finally purchase a tree. Then he commenced to pulling out a huge box of lights that took hours of untangling and wrapping meticulously around the tree until perfection was met. The one difference is we had real tree's growing up but I don't have a green thumb and somehow cannot keep a tree alive so I use a fake tree to keep my sanity. I shopped and shopped until I found the right fake tree. It is big, dense and bushy and not pre-lit because pre-lit tree's do not fill my OCD light quota. I am kinda a light Nazi, I want only light perfection on my tree.

The ornament arrangement does not necessarily come from my father but because he is creative an artistic he believes there has to be a certain art and logic to the tree and I do follow in his footsteps on that one. I stick with three colors, red, white, silver and they are arranged just such on the tree, In certain pattern and randomness that makes it look cohesive. I know, we have discussed this before, I need therapy. Our tree growing up had homemade ornaments that were made from previous Christmas Eve parties (our Christmas eve parties were a tradition that involved food, music, pinatas , family, friends and a lot of booze) so because of the "booze" a lot of interesting ornaments were made. Our tree was always beautiful and everyone always looked for their ornament that they contributed the year before, if they remembered because of the "booze" that they made an ornament.

My OCD flaw is on display in my front window. All of my neurotic tendencies glowing hues of white and red for the world to see. Yes, I blame my father, but when people slow down in their car to look in my front window, and when people stop me in our small town and say, your tree is beautiful, I smile and think to myself...... thank you dad.

P.S. I do let my children decorate a downstairs tree, it is all theirs, they can decorate it any way they want and I promise I do not "Tree Nazi" them...but maybe just maybe one of them is watching and learning from me and they will carry on the OCD tree.....

Thank You

A day of gluttony, family, football, and the countdown to Christmas. We do Thanksgiving at my in-laws and like most families we always have enough to feed the neighborhood. I enjoy turkey and all the trimmings, and though I am plenty full, I always make me a turkey sandwich later that night. The days that follow Thanksgiving are a blur of garland, christmas lights, and ornaments, and the task of making sure all are accounted for on the christmas list. Before the tinsel and jingle bells, and finals at school over take my life, I want to take a minute on the week of this Thanksgiving holiday and say what I am grateful for:

My husband, after almost 17 years of marriage it still never ceases to amaze me how much I can love someone so much.

My kids, they teach me everyday how to be a better person. Their unconditional love, amazing beauty, and innocence prove that I am truly blessed.

For my family; my mother, whom I wish I had half her strength, wisdom, and faith. My father, for his humor, stories, and love. My sister, for her inner and outer beauty that always leaves me in awe.

My in-laws and family; I feel funny calling them in-laws because I feel like they have always been part of my life and they have always been my family. I tease Adrian that if he ever decided to leave me I get his family in the divorce...I think that is completely fair :)......

My small town that I live in. This town is a rare community that takes care of those that live in it. The people that live here are incredible and I am glad that I have gotten to know so many of them over the years.

My education, I have been out of school for close to 20 years, and to have the opportunity to go back to school has been a treasure. I will graduate next year so I can move on to nursing school and I look forward to the adventure.

This country, Though it has faults and things that are broken, to me is the most amazing country on this continent. I am proud to be an American and for the fundamental ideas that this country was built upon.

My faith, It comforts me at my worst times and uplifts me at my best of times. My faith shows me where I came from, why I am here, and where I am going and I am forever thankful for the blessings that I have been given.


So many things to be grateful and thankful for......may all of you have a Happy Thanksgiving!

I Will Be With You Till We Meet Again

I went to a funeral yesterday. She was a neighbor of ours and though I did not know her really well or as long as most of those in our town, I did know her well enough that I felt I needed to go and pay my respects. She was always kind to me and for awhile we shared the church duty of providing food for relief society events. She had a great smile and her laugh made me laugh and she had a sweetness about her that reminded of my dear Aunt Wanda. As a listened to her friends and family share stories of her I was reminded of funerals I had been to, and how each has a certain impact on your life.

I remember my grandpa Howell's funeral, I was in 4th grade and it was my first experience with death that I could remember. It seemed like one day he was fine and the next day he was sick and than no longer with us. As a kid it was hard to process how someone could go so quickly but as an adult you are thankful that he did not suffer for a long period. He was a significant part of our life growing up and his dying made me process grief. It was a learning curve that we all experience in our life.

My grandmother Beck's death was not like my grandpa Howell's. Viv had been sick for a long time and when she passed away it was a relief that she was no longer in pain. As a family we have a lot of Viv stories, some good and some not so good. Coming from my point of view and my experience as Viv's granddaughter, she was always kind to me and I knew she loved me very much. She was a woman that could be cruel with those around her but for some reason she had a bond to me, and never once was she cruel to me, and all she ever gave me was unconditional love. I wish she could have been that way with others around her but I am thankful and grateful that I got to experience that side of her. At her funeral I remember touching her hand and saying quietly under my breath, " I hope you find the peace that I don't think you had here; thank you for your love."...I hope she has found peace.

My dear sweet Auntie Wanda. A woman that made you happy just being in her presence. Her death was also a sudden one. I dreaded going to the viewing because I did not know how I was going to deal with her no longer being here. When I saw her, all that anxiety went away, she was a unique soul that was so full of life, and her soul had moved on to a much better place. It was her body in the casket but everything that was Wanda, that unique soul, was no longer there so it was as though I was looking at a stranger. When I came back sometime later and visited where she had lived for all the years I had known her, that is where I felt her soul, that is where I heard her laugh and felt that precious presence of hers.

There has been other deaths and funerals along the way and they all have some kind of impact in some way. Yesterday I took the time to remember a sweet woman's life, there was laughter and tears and a peace felt throughout the room. Yesterday I remembered all of those who have passed on in my life and I am grateful for the time I did have with them. Like the church hymn says and I believe to be true ; I will be with you till meet again.

A Letter To You

"As we live on earth we must walk in faith, nothing doubting. When the journey

becomes seemingly unbearable, we can take comfort in the words of the Lord:

"I have heard thy prayer, I have seen thy tears: behold, I will heal thee." Some

of the healing may take place in another world. We may never know why some

things happen in this life. The reason for some of our suffering is known only to

the lord."~ James E. Faust

This mortal life that we are traveling through is a journey that is filled with love, sorrow, knowledge, pain, and hope and somehow through all these things we hang on to this thing called faith. A belief and trust in an idea and a person that can't be scientifically, logically, or tangibly proven yet it is as much part of us as our physical bodies. Once we begin to doubt faith, anxiety, and fear begins to over take our life. Faith is more than just believing, you have to live it and let it guide you through your highest points and let it over take you at your lowest points. We wake up everyday to the unknown and without faith to lead us we would be lost.

What a wonderful instinct we have been given, a gift that helps us to be steady and strong when logically we should be crumbling and giving up. I have faith that my love for my spouse will never waiver, I have faith my children will have amazing journey's of their own, I have faith that I will never abandon my spiritual belief, I have faith that my education will give me unlimited opportunities.

It is this time of year that we take the time to express what we are grateful for; it is this time of year that we feel financial stresses and burdens; it is this time of year we have to deal with a labyrinth of family complexities. It is also this time of year that we begin to look at a new year approaching and somehow instinctively we look forward to our unknown journey because we have this thing called..... faith.

Sincerely, Michele