Warrior ready for battle...

Makenzie joined our family on August 22nd, 2006. She was a very easy baby. She slept through the night within a few weeks of being home. You could leave her on a blanket with some toys around her and she would be content to play there for hours. Her personality was different from the twins, she was more hesitant to go to strangers and she was more serious in her demeanor. She would stare and study everything around her and take in everything she observed.

Let me fast forward to March 29th, 2010. Makenzie is now three and a half and is only a faint memory of the sweet, quiet baby that she once was. Her main reason for existence at this point is to aggravate, upset and generally raise my blood pressure at any given moment of the day. I think she gets up in the morning and organizes her battle plan for the day and figures out where she is going to attack in Makenzie vs Household. I use the term household because she does not target just me; some days it is her siblings, Adrian, and even the dog. She is truly a warrior that goes into battle with her eye on winning and she will go to any means to win the battle and eventually the war. I would compare her sneakiness to that of a ninja. She lurks in the shadows and slithers along the floor and moves with a cat like prowl when attempting to get something she knows she should not have. When she gets the item she is not supposed to have she will find a hiding spot and eat or play with it and then hide the evidence so she does not leave an incriminating trail that may lead to punishment.

Her skills in ninja like qualities are also balanced out by her ferocious warrior styles that are probably like that of Genghis Khan. She will go toe to toe with her older siblings and not back down until they lay a finger upon her and Makenzie thinks a punishment no less then a beheading is sufficient enough to make up for this horrific crime against her. Makenzie will take on anyone that gets in her way of her mission.

A long with her battle skills she also has the ability to torture. Some may remember when American forces went to Panama to capture Noriega. To drive Noriega out of his domain they blared 80's hair band music 24 hours a day until he eventually surrendered. Well instead of Van Halen, Makenzie talks so much that your ears begin to ring and you begin to feel like Noriega having to listen to, "Hot For Teacher" full blast for hours on end. Her talking will make you fall to your knees and plead for quiet and silence, but she just looks at you and continues on with her verbal assault.

Her worst battle tactic, the one she pulls out everyday and she knows it will make me surrender; when she says, "I love you!" She will come out of nowhere and grab your leg and say, "I love you, a lot!" and my heart will melt every time. When she smiles she crinkles her nose and squints her eyes. When she laughs it comes right from her belly. She is always running and twirling and she exudes the care-free feelings of childhood. She has perfected the art of war and at such a young age she has perfected the art of love.

Parental failures

I was woken up Saturday morning with twins that were dressed and ready to go to Super Saturday for 4-H. I had showed them the sign up sheet about a month ago and they carefully picked out the classes they wanted to go to. One of them was a spa class, they were going to make lotions and glosses. Another class was a cake decorating class that they were really excited for. Anyways, I am laying in bed still half asleep processing the fact they are dressed and excited of their day of activities and I soon realize I have forgotten to turn in the sign-up sheets and have forgotten about the event all together. I FORGOT! My first thought was to lie and try to cover up my mistake but I knew I was wrong and had to pull out the, I am soooo sorry speech and I am sure they will have another one and I will make it up to you speech.

It was one of those parental failure moments. The ones that earn you the parent of the year award. Of course this is not my first parental failure moment, I have had a few good ones that I would like to forget.There was the time I "Whacked" Cheyenne in the eye resulting in a black eye. Before you call child services on me let me explain the incident that led up to this moment. It was a long day of constant bickering and fighting between the twins and I had reached my boiling point. They were sitting on the couch fighting over a catalog so I went over to the couch with intent to separate and send them to separate areas of the home. I reached over Cheyenne grabbed the catalog out of her hands and she began to scream that demonic scream that children seem to be born with. I turned back to her thinking her back was to me and I was going to roll up the magazine and pop her on the head like a puppy ( I was desperate and not thinking straight) but she turned around at me at the same time I was turning around and I caught the corner of her eye with corner of my catalog and we all stopped in disbelief when I realized I "Whacked" my child in the eye. Her twin sister began to laugh and Cheyenne began to scream , "You hit me!"

So there I was, a child with a black eye and me with a wounded heart because even though I knew it was an accident and I felt horrible for hurting her. It has always been an incident I will not forget and one of those times you wonder if she will be in therapy 20 years later discussing when her mother "Whacked" her in the eye and now the time when her mom forgot to sign her up for 4-H super Saturday. By the way I use the word, "Whacked", because that is how Cheyenne describes the hit.

This parenting thing is tricky. I wonder if my mother had those days where she thought she did the fundamental parental failure? Do I remember the incident? Was it more traumatic for her then me? Are there things I remember that she does not? That is where the tricky part comes in; things that I think are going to scar them for life do not bother them but I might be missing those mistakes that are monumental to them and they didn't even register on my radar. I guess the end of the day I try to learn from my mistakes and try not to repeat them and then I kiss all the kids goodnight and tell them I love them because I know my love for them will never be classified as a parental failure.

16 years of learning

When I rub the back of my ring finger it is worn smooth from years of wearing a symbolism of my marriage. We are approaching 16 years of marriage on the 19th of this month. We met at our place of employment. He asked me on a date and within a short amount of time we were engaged. We were two strangers that seemed to fit together with complete ease.
Our first apartment was in Salt Lake. It was a one bedroom and we barely had enough things to fill up this tiny space. We used to pick a day to go grocery shopping together and our budget was 50 dollars for a weeks worth of groceries. Our dates were spent at the dollar movies and hamburgers from a fast food restaurant. It was a time of young and new love.
Our second place was a condo in Abingdon, Maryland. It was 1500 miles from home. It was the just the two of us in this new strange place. We would get in our car and travel somewhere new every time we got a chance. We wanted to take it all in and see everything we could. It was a fun carefree time and where we truly found our friendship with one another.
A job change moved us to Ocala, Florida. We rented our first home in this town. Once again we traveled and saw so many new things and places. Another job changed moved us to Washington DC but this time I was unable to move with him at the same time. I had to stay behind and move a few months later. It was a hard time for both of us. A lot of tears and loneliness were expressed over the phone. We learned in this experience how much we depended on each other and we are not complete when the other is not there.
We lived in an outskirt city of DC called Lorton Virginia. It was our fourth place we moved to and it would be the longest place we stayed till the twins came. It was a time of hard work and hard play at the same time. We worked hard and made the most money we had in our marriage up to that point. We went out every weekend and lived life to the fullest. Then the sudden news of an unplanned pregnancy brought our life to a screeching halt. I found out on my birthday, August 6th; I was having twins. They were born 3 months premature on September 10, 1999. It was a time of change for us, we had to learn it was no longer just us but we were now a family.
A few months after the twins were born we came back to Utah. We were home again with a our new family in tow. What a fun but hard time. Learning to be parents to these precious babies. It was probably one of our most difficult times. It had been just him and I for so long that it was hard for us to give up our freedoms of being able to come and go as we pleased. It was a hard adjustment for both of us but we found our way through patience and time. We found that balance of being a family but still not forgetting to take time for just the two of us so that we never forget and ignore our relationship.
Our third child came along a few years later. She was the missing piece to our puzzle. We bought our first home and began to put roots in to a place to raise our family. This is the present for us. I stay home with kids while going to college. My husband goes to work everyday and the kids go off to school. The weeks go by quickly and fast with everyone going in different directions at any given time. It is a time for learning and growing as we navigate our way through this thing called middle age and parenthood.
As I rub this smooth place on my finger where my wedding ring is placed everyday. I recall all these memories we have had for the past sixteen years. It reminds me how much I love my life.How much I love this person who has been part of this life. I look forward to our next sixteen years and what the future is going to bring us.

Otters, Llamas,and Geese oh my!

I found great humor in a story on MSN that talked about an elderly man being attacked by an otter on his morning walk. An OTTER! Really, how many people can claim that have been attacked by an otter. I never thought to look out for otters on leisurely stroll through the neighborhood.
I was attacked once; well, maybe not exactly attacked by a wild animal. Okay it was not a wild animal but someones llama. Alright it did not attack but it did spit on me. I went to kindergarten at a Lutheran church in Caldwell, Idaho. This church was surrounded by fields and in one of these fields was a llama. It would hang out by the fence watching all of us play on the playground. I was what you would call a curious child so I wanted to check out this weird looking animal that I had never seen before. I remember going to the fence and looking at this white llama ( yeah I remember the color!) and trying to figure out this horse/goat looking animal. I want to state that the teachers never once said , "stay away from the llamas", never once did they state this in their kindergarten rules of conduct. Anyways the llama stared at me for awhile chewing away on its grass and all of a sudden it split its freaky lip and spit a huge loogey of mucus and grass at my face. Llama spit all over my hair and face. I have never had a fondness for llamas since this incidence.
About a year ago I had the children at the local park and out of the corner of my eye I see a white flash. It was someones white llama loose in the park. I held my composure as I escorted the children out of the park and I did inform them of the rules and conduct with llamas since I was not given this important information in my impressionable childhood years.
Oh wait I was attacked by a large goose once. I have been attacked by a semi wild animal. I was at a park by my grandmother Beck's house and they had flocks of ducks and geese that you could feed bread crumbs. My grandmother handed me the bag of day old bread and I began feeding the ducks but sure enough a huge WHITE (note the color) goose came out of nowhere and began to grab at me. It was one of those huge geese that was as tall as me. I dropped the bag of bread and began to run thinking the goose would stay with the bread but no it began to chase me. My grandmother came to my rescue and tried to distract the goose and it turned on her. I would like to say I was at this point selfless and went to my grandmothers aid but I didn't...survival of the fittest... I ran as fast as my legs could and left her for the slaughter. She ended up escaping but she did have large bruises on her from the goose attack. I also do not have a fondness for geese to this day.
When I am elderly and taking a leisurely stroll through my neighborhood do not be surprised if my ultimate demise and the leading paragraph to my obituary is, " Her life was taken by a rabid WHITE otter!"

Quirks

Admittedly we all have a unique set of quirks. Weird things that make us an individual. These traits can be annoying, funny,crazy and maybe just plain entertaining. It is easier to identify these habits in other people because it is hard to recognize them in yourself. My twins are full of these unique quirks. I am sure over time they will outgrow a lot of them and produce new ones but in the meantime they have one thing that I fear they will never outgrow

Those who know my twins and know them well know they have a debilitating fear of automatic flushing toilets. It started with a visit to a park when they were potty training. The toilet was one of those brushed metal toilets and it flushed suddenly and ferociously when Kaitlynn was on it doing her business and I have never heard a scream or complete fear come out of a child when this happened. Her twin sister witnessed this horrifying event and through some weird twin ESP connection they were from that day forward scared of the automatic flushing toilets. I am not kidding when I say they fear it. I had to make special arrangements at their school so they could have something to put over the sensor of the toilet so it did not flush on them unexpectedly. They would have not used the bathroom all day otherwise. If we are at other public restrooms and they are automatic flushers they go in to the same stall and take turns covering the sensor for each other so the other is not traumatized by the possibility of being sucked down the toilet. I can not help but think to myself; when are they going to outgrow this? Are they going to do this in High School? Are they going to be 45 and have to call each other to come to their aid when they need to use a public restroom? Will they need special therapy that will put them in room with a toilet and they will have sit on the toilet and flush the toilet repeatedly so they can get over this fear? The funniest part is they talk to each other when they are in the stall. They calm each other down they talk each other through this perilous pee. How would it be to have someone there that talks you through your anxiety moments and completely gets and understands your craziness. How awesome is it to be a twin. I want someone that will talk to me through my neurotic moments and have no judgement of my pure insanity.


Automatic flushing toilets is their quirk. It is a peculiarity that makes them unique. They understand the potential mishaps that could happen when your on that toilet and without a word uttered they know that other one will be there to put their hand on the sensor with no questions asked.

I love you more!

Me and my husband have always said the saying, "I love you more." when responding to the other saying, "I love you". I am not sure where it started but it has always been included in our phone calls or expressions of love written in cards. We did not know it but when Adrian's grandparents had passed away they had also said the same thing to one another. It was an expression they had used over many years of marriage so now it is something even more special to us. My three year old has also caught on to us using this with one another so she will use this expression and tell me she loves me more. I love when my children say, I love you. There is nothing more pure then a child's expression of how they feel. Everyone needs to feel love like that in their lives; pure, unconditional love.
Our discussion in church this last Sunday was the topic of family and love. Such strong emotions were present in the room as people discussed their loved ones and how they showed their love for these important people in their lives. Stories were shared about how their families never expressed their love with words but they are now trying to change that and make sure they are expressing how they feel to their families. Tears were shed by some when they could relate to some of the pain and hurt that comes along with the lack of being told that they are loved. I kept thinking of a song and I can not think of the title but I do remember the chorus it went like this:

Has anybody told you they love you today?

Has anybody told you they love you today?

Put me on the list. Let me be first

God loves you and I do too...we love you today!

I try to make a mental list to say I love you to my family everyday and as far as I know I never let a day go by without saying it several times a day. I suppose in a way love gives us hope, faith,peace and ultimately everything; that is why love is such a blessing.

I see dead people!....but I didn't need a sixth sense to see them

I have mentioned in my first post that I have decided to go back to school. I have decided I am going to do nursing. I know it is literally one the hardest bachelors to obtain but I think I am up to the challenge. One of my challenges so far has been getting through an anatomy class that has made me seriously consider going into teaching instead. I think that a lot of the fault can be based on the professor for his attempt to make you fail at his test and quizzes. I have had to let go of the fact that my 4.0 is probably not going to be possible to obtain this semester but I know I have a 4.0 in effort for the class.

Saturday morning was our first experience with dissected cadavers. At first all we saw was body bags on the tables. I have seen bodies put in the bags to be taken to the funeral home or morgue (I have worked as a CNA at nursing home.) This time it was different because you knew that ...lack of a better word...they were dissected human beings. When the bodies were unzipped from there bags it was surreal looking at these bodies that were stripped down to bone and muscle. I thought of a that T.V. show American Dad; the dad character named Stan on the show once said, " There's nothing we can do, we're helpless like a turned over tortoise. Sure our bellies are warm now, but soon it will be dark and then the crows will come." I felt like the crows that day as we surveyed these bodies

They have names and what they died from on a dry erase board above their station. You try to be as respectful as you can be and thankful that these people donated their bodies so that students like me can understand the human body in depth. It was fascinating! Every muscle, bone, organ and every other component of our body is such an intricate well oiled machine.

Someone asked me what area of nursing I want to go in to because they knew exactly what they wanted to do when they go into nursing. I panicked a little because I thought why don't I know exactly what I want. Some people just know in their heart what they want and I guess I am just putting my heart out there and maybe it will lead me to it.

At the end of the Saturday we all piled in our cars and drove home. I wonder if some students decided if this was not for them or it solidified there decision to go in to the medical field. I do know that everyone went home with a good story to tell and a little more respect for the human body.