Fighting My Inner Demon....Cupcakes!

So lets talk diet...weight loss......cutting of calories......exercise.......

For all you ladies who were blessed with the skinny genetics...Dang you and your superior genetics!

For  all the ladies who fight the fat but take care of yourself and exercise...I aspire to be like you!

For all the ladies who yo yo but never can find that healthy groove.....I feel your pain!

For all you ladies you go to horrible extremes to lose weight...STOP!! It is not worth the harm you are doing to yourself physically...mentally....just STOP!!!

I am not sure why I picked this body before I came to this earth?! I can hear the description of my physical appearance now.....Thick hair that is neither straight or curly but frizzy...Dry flaky skin.....thin lips....stumpy legs with ample thighs....large buttocks....average height......and the metabolism speed of a sloth....I am positive I said I will take it and the next physical body that came up for grabs was Gisele Budchen.


I actually lost almost 50 pounds last year...and then...well life happened...stress happened....

this happened.....

and though I did not put all the weight back on I put back on a lot of it....boooooo.......

So after the holidays and things settled down I found myself getting ready to go on a cruise, and my summer capris not wanting to button......so me and my dust riddled treadmill had a heart to heart conversation.

It went something like this:

Oh treadmill, you have sat and gathered dust for the last few months years and I am sorry for that but it is time to become reacquainted again. It is time that we become friends again, you and I will become allies on this war I fight with fat. Be kind to me...don't spit me off and send me sailing in to the wall behind me.......

...be patient with me and my slow speeds to begin with......work my butt till I am dripping sweat and don't let me stop until I am finished with my workout.

So I began exercising in the morning..I started barely walking a mile..then I felt myself increasing the speed and the distance...soon I was running......

I know I look similar to this when I run.......

But I am in the privacy of my basement... so I embrace my awkwardness and just go with it.......

I run for about 20-25 minutes in the morning and then if my evening allows it I run for another 20-25 minutes....it works for me..it works for me to break it up..I can't exercise for hours straight...I have attention problems and get distracted easily. When my muscles are not slightly sore the next day  I  increase my speed and distance to feel that little bit of burn. I will start some toning and strength training over the summer.....I am taking baby steps and right now I am just working on cardio....

I am watching what I eat but I am not a food Nazi...I eat three balanced meals...and grab a few healthy snacks throughout the day. I treat myself to some goodies here and there but always in moderation. I will have a healthy relationship with food at some point in my life...I love food.. but I don't need to LOVE food.

... my body is saying thank you and giving me lots of inside hugs....

I have lost how many pounds in 10 weeks?..........

Not biggest loser kind of weight loss but it is just right for me...some weeks I lose nothing...some weeks I lose 4 pounds.....I weigh myself once a week and cheer if I lose some and shrug it off when nothing has been lost.

So 15 weeks from now is my 37th birthday and my goal is to lose another 30. That is basically two pounds a week between now and then.

Realistic.....doable........healthy......

So in 15 weeks I can put this number up as pounds lost.....

Where Will You Be In Ten Years?

I am an activities leader in my church. Basically twice a month I have to entertain some girls between the ages of 8-11 for an hour and half.  The last time we met it was my turn to lead the activity and come up with what we were going to do. The women in the church are putting together a time capsule. The women in the church are encouraged to place a current picture, family history, and share something about themselves in the time capsule. The time capsule will be opened 30 years later ( that would make me 66 when it is opened). So my idea was to have the girls make a mini time capsule for themselves, to be opened when they are 21. I had them include  a testimony or their feelings about the church,  I had them fill out some information about themselves, where they see themselves in 10-13 years from now, and I took a picture of them. They are to put it somewhere they won't lose it and open it sometime in the future ( I suspect most will lose it or open it in a month).

In the process of doing this project I showed the girls some of my own personal items, pictures, and how much life changes over a ten year period, and how quickly life moves. I showed a picture of me at age 8 and things I had scrapbooked from that age. I then showed a picture of me ten years later.....it was my wedding photo...and ten years (plus a couple more years) after that......I had my family portrait with my three kids gathered around me....

First..... of all I discovered I have definitely hit that "middle age" mark. One of the questions I had the girls answer was, what is your favorite song?  One of the girls said her favorite song was by some group.....a group I had never heard of......a group that apparently is very popular right now...a boy bandish type of group. I said, "I have never heard of that group."...the look I received from all the girls was look of horror..a look of....."HOLY CRAP YOU ARE OLD"...kinda look. I gave that same look at that age to older people..... that same look if they didn't know all the songs by Michael Jackson or The Police......I am now that same "older" person......sigh........

Secondly.....Eventhough I was trying to show the girls how fast time flies, I think I was more in shock about how much life can change over ten years.....

Ten years ago I had sweet two year old twins that kept me on my toes at all times. They ran around speaking jibber jabber and getting into anything they could get their pudgy little toddler fingers in to. I was in a full on mom mode...baking....cleaning....playdates....scrapbooking....it was wonderful and I am so glad I was able to be with my kiddos. However; over the next ten years economic changes happened...I became a bit restless at home.....I knew I needed something else.....I needed something a little more in my life....

so...I went back to college......and now we here we are....ten years from that toddler totting momma....

 .....I no longer have toddlers...I have two young women who are taller than me and are turning in to beautiful women.......

 ......we have another addition to our family who begins 1st grade next year....the sky is limit for this little one.....

....I am still madly, deeply, truly in love with this man.......

....and me...well...here I am... older... maybe a little wiser...and a graduate of college with honors....

Wow! .......Ten years......gone in a blink of the eye......

.....Wonder what life has in store for the next ten years?

.....I am not sure but I am ready for the adventure..........

You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something- your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

~ Steve Jobs

Childhood Magic

....See this is my opinion we all start out knowing magic. We are born with whirlwinds, forest fires, and comets inside us. We are born able to sing to birds, and read the clouds, and see our destiny in grains of sand. But then we get the magic chopped right out our souls. We get it churched out, spanked out, washed out, and combed out. We get put on the straight and narrow and told to be responsible. Told to act our age. Told to grow up, for God's sake. And you know why we were told that? Because the people doing the telling were afraid of our wildness and youth, and because the magic we knew made them ashamed and sad of what they'd allowed to wither in themselves....

~Robert R McCammon

This story has spread across the internet, and I think like everyone who has watched it...it touched my heart.

It brings make memories for all of us...our childhood imagination....the carefree magic of childhood.

We are burdened with the responsibilities of life and we feel ourselves being pulled further from the imaginative world that we saw as a child.

However....there are moments...moments where a smell, a song, or a picture conjures up distant memories of childhood mindfulness.

Watch Caine's Arcade...watch a father who allows his boy to be a precocious child and never hinders his imagination...be touched by this boys determination......

smile at the magic  Caine brought to East L.A. .................

enjoy....



And The Winner Is......

I hope everyone had a nice Easter!  I can admit that I ate to much potato salad and felt the extra weight of mayonnaise and potatoes still sitting in my belly as I ran on the treadmill this morning.

Can I also admit something else....

I am not an Easter candy fan...in fact the smell of Easter candy makes my stomach turn slightly..I don't like jelly beans, marshmallow, and chocolate bunnies.....thank goodness for Reese's eggs or Easter goodies would be a bust for me. Speaking of Reeses..I think I have mentioned Reese's is an Achilles of mine,  and I was browsing recipe websites this morning I came across this concoction......So this gets the award for:

MOST AWESOMENESS MUTATED DESSERT CONCOCTION OF THE WEEK:

http://cookiesandcups.com/

 That is a peanut butter cup baked inside chocolate chip cookie dough..that right there is a masterpiece!

That right there is a 5,000 calories.....so I need someone to share this with me when I do make them...because I will make them at some point...and I will eat them all...I have no self control!

Everyone has the right to their own views of religion, government, abortion, foreign policy, and the heated debate of  Miracle Whip or mayonnaise. I am a fascinated by all religions and respect their beliefs. When I see someone maliciously poke at a religion and I don't care what religion they are poking at..it bothers me. I remember watching Bill Maher's movie relgiulous and wondered what jollies one gets from making fun of a Jewish man praying at the wailing wall in Jerusalem. It is fine if you don't believe in organized religion or believe in any higher being but why would you belittle someone else's belief...something that gives that person purpose and peace?  Anyways I witnessed one of these people this week and so he gets the award of:

Close-minded, belittling, bigoted, ignorant jackhole of the week:

Lawerence ODonnell

I have said I am not a huge "chick flick" fan. I am of the minority when I say I don't swoon over Twilight and I know I am of the minority when I say that by the end of the Titanic movie I wanted to shove Jack in the icy water and possibly Rose with him. It was a painfully long movie and we all knew what was going happen in the end. They have recently re-released Titanic into the theater and I would rather have a root canal than sit through that movie again...but ....again....if this is what they did with it then I am there! This gets the award of:

MOST AWESOME CAMEO APPEARANCE OF STORM TROOPERS IN A  MOVIE

Titanic Done Right!

First of all I am not saying you should not be prepared in case of an emergency, or worst yet a natural disaster, or an apocalyptic disaster. However, there is a show on National Geographic Channel called Doomsday Preppers...this show thoroughly entertains me. My all time favorite episode was a husband who was preparing for a pandemic disease that he is convinced is going to wipe us all out. His bug out solution was purchasing a cave in a mountain to hide his family with his 50 boxes of aspirin (not sure how aspirin is going to save someone in the case of pandemic style disease?).....PROBLEM....his wife is Cambodian and survived the Cambodian wars with her family hiding in caves. The wife was having war flashbacks sitting in this cave and basically told her husband she would rather die than sit in that cave. He might want to rethink  his bug out plans! Anyways, here is my last award of the week....for best CRAZY doomsday prepper of the week. One should always prepare for one's pet in case of disaster....I am just not sure if shooting kitty in the back of the head at any sign of trouble would be my first thought?

WORST DOOMSDAY PREPPER PET OWNER





Class of 2014

This last year I have been finishing up my required courses so I could put in my application for nursing school. I think I have explained my predicament that came with this in a previous post.....I want to emphasize the fact that this program comes around once every two years and they only accept 20 students statewide. This program is also perfect for me because I can do all the classroom work from my home...which as a mom...you can not ask for anything more perfect than that.

I sent in my application at the end of February knowing I would have an answer back sometime in early April. On my last post I was starting to feel the panic because I knew an answer was coming soon.......and now the waiting was killing me!!!!

I was not the only one going through this waiting game...my friend Leeann was also going through the same stresses...she was waiting for an answer also. We have gone through this together...we have stood over a dead woman's body together in anatomy pinning and labeling her reproductive system...lets face it we are bonded for life over that alone!!!! We have endured a week of ridiculously boring CNA classes together ! We have had to drive through snowstorms, changed adult diapers, and worked with fellow students that had penises drawn on their body with sharpies for clinicals...yup we need each other to get through nursing school...I need someone that can laugh with me, and challenge me to do my best so I can get through this program..... there is not a better person than Leeann to do this!

Tuesday night I was sitting in my pathology course and I hear two fellow students talking about their acceptance into the nursing program......WHAAAAATTTT!......they got their acceptance letter..I DIDN'T GET MINE!!!!!!!....this was person number three at this point that I knew had gotten an acceptance letter......they went on and on about their acceptance.... I was seconds away from crawling under my table, curling into a fetal position, and start sobbing softly.....I was also visualizing in my head.... jumping over my table, knocking both of them out, and tearing up their acceptance letter....

Instead.... I excused myself to the bathroom and cried softly in a bathroom stall......while texting Leeann and Adrian about my possible nervous breakdown that was occurring at USU's bathroom. Leeann had not received her acceptance letter either...so basically I also passed my nervous breakdown over to her ...What are friends for if you can't share your neurosis???

I left class...drove home crying.....and had thoroughly convinced myself I was not going to be 1 of the now 17 nursing students.........

.....next morning...I decided to hit the post office early so I could get my rejection letter .... I  convinced myself I was getting one....so I could burn it.....binge on junk food......then crawl in bed with indigestion and come out sometime next month............

but....instead of rejection I received....acceptance....

There it is ....my next two years in a letter......

I DID IT!!!!

I GOT IN!!!!

I am excited and scared all intermingled together....

Getting to this point has taken a lot of work over the past two years and now it is here.....

So on to the next chapter.....

Here I come Weber State University!!!!

are you ready for me...or should I say...... Am I ready for you?

Wishin' and Hopin

There was  a singer named Dusty Springfield who was popular in the 60's. She sang a song called, Wishin' and Hopin. The first line of the song is:

"Wishing and hoping and thinking and praying, Planning and dreaming each night....."

I sent my nursing school application in at the end of February...I should be hearing soon.....the final answer.....the answer to what I need to do next...and my thoughts are filled with wishing that I can stay here to finish my schooling...hoping I get accepted...thinking about alternative plans if I don't get in....praying life is taking me where I am meant to be.......planning for the best situation but also preparing myself if I don't get in....dreaming, this will be over soon.......

I have been busy and distracted over the last month but now that the final answer is drawing closer I am ready...ready to move on.....ready to be a Weber State nursing student.....or....

...or......????....I honestly don't know the answer right now.....I am not sure where I am headed otherwise???.....

I am in limbo right now...everything is limbo right now.....

I need some definitive paths for awhile...I know life is never definitive, and you never know what is around the corner... but life as of late has been a continual question of..."What is around the corner"

Think about when you are on a long road trip....you have areas of the road where you have to hold on to the steering with both hands and concentrate on the sharp turns, hazardous road conditions, heavy traffic...then there are places in the road where it is straight, and you can see for miles ahead, and not another car in sight...you casually hold the wheel, and take in the sights around you......

I need a straight road for awhile....I need some calm....I am tired of holding to that steering wheel with all my strength waiting for what is around the corner......

In the meantime,....I am

.....Wishing and hoping and thinking and praying, Planning and dreaming........