"The Night I Threatened To Throw My Sick Mother Overboard"

This blog may read like a  novella and I will try just to highlight the important stuff.  I feel like I have shared all about my vacation and I cannot leave out the last part of the trip at this point. We had some amazing experiences along the way, and it is a vacation I will never forget...and I know I will never forget the morning we were scheduled to get off the ship in Miami.. so here we go...it is always an adventure with us......

.....last post I left off with us porting out of St. Marteen.......

....the seas were rough coming back...like 12-15ft waves rough.....

....walking around the ship felt like you had drank numerous martini's....

....mom was down again...as we learned earlier her tummy could not deal with rough waters.....

.....me....this is how I dealt with rough waters......

......I sat by the pool and had pool boys bring me iced towels.....

Anyways, the captain redirected our course and put us close to land. Can I say I felt guilty as I passed countries such as Haiti and Cuba as I devoured my fourth meal of the day and wondered where my pool boy went so I could get a fresh bottle of water. 

The waves calmed down and by Friday mom felt better and was able to enjoy her last day on the ship...

But......it all went to hell Saturday around 12am......

 I woke up around midnight to my mother...she was ill......I knew it could not be sea sickness because the water was  calm.....

She was sick......you know that kind of sick...that sick where you just want to crawl in a hole and die....the kind of sick that you begin to wonder what more can come out your body sick.

The problem is we were in a 200 square foot room with 4 people....we all were basically experiencing this with mom.... I love my mom, and we all react to being sick in our own ways, and my moms  way is very vocal and very  pronounced.......it was a VERY long night......

By 5 am I had basically been awake for almost 24 hours and I knew at this point we were getting close to Miami and I knew I was not headed home...mom was not making it on a plane...and I was not going home today.....I was grumpy, and mom stated to me, " she was not sure what we were going to do with her".......know keep in mind... I was really tired, I was the one sharing the bed with my mom, I had witnessed horrific amounts of bodily fluids, heard a lot of vocal discomfort coming from my mom all night, I was now worried about myself getting sick, and I was not headed home to my family......I may or may have not responded by saying,

"Oh...I know what I want to do with you!"

...so basically I threatened to throw my sick mother overboard....hmmmmm......my mother may want to rethink who she wants with her when she is on her death bed....I promise, I am much more patient when I am not tired and cranky.....I was not of sound mind at that moment...

So 7am that morning in Miami we had to figure out a plan...mom needed medical care, she needed to go to a hospital.....Gabby had to get home....Leana had a Dr appointment at home to get back to...that left me to take care of mom.....Problem.....I could not take care of customs, luggage, lodging, and hospital with a sick person in tow. Leana had to stay with me, I could not do it without her. I think Leana could see the desperation in my eye's, I needed my big sister, I needed help! She stayed, she knew it was going to take two of us.....I am so thankful she stayed!

We got mom out of bed, she was in just her robe at this point.....we put her in a wheelchair and wheeled her down to the infirmary where the Dr. could tend to her until we could figure out how to get her to a hospital.

So we realize there is a few other people with the same sickness in the infirmary....then it sinks in....the dreaded virus.....NOROVIRUS...that highly contagious virus that spreads like wildfire...is that what was happening here?

We had our naked, vulnerable, passed out mother in a bed hooked up to an IV in the infirmary........

...and then the whole experience...the situation...the stress of the moment hits my sister and I...and we begin dealing with it the only way we know how to deal with it....

We begin to laugh...we begin to be the cynical daughters that we are so good at being...

We laughed about the fact that Gabby had gotten the hell off the ship and away from the whole norovirus infestation ......we laughed about the fact that were a ticking  time bomb of possible norovirus....we laughed about the horrid condition that we had to leave the room in......we laughed about the fact we were stuck in Miami and not sure what we were doing next.....we laughed about the fact I threatened to throw our mother overboard and some point in the night.....At this point even the nurse was throwing a joke here and there in to the mix....

We were laughing so much that the Dr came in repeatedly..he was fascinated by us...why were we laughing when our mother was passed out naked in a bed by us....we tried to explain how we deal with stress, and at this point this is was all we had left in us.....and that my poor mother would expect nothing less from us....Dr. Cuba (we nicknamed him this because he was from Cuba)...looked at us finally and pointed two fingers at us and stated in his Cuban accent

"You just keep laughing girls, you will get it too!" ...he was speaking of the possible norovirus outbreak that was occurring....

...how did we respond to this comment...we looked at each other and started laughing....

Finally they had an ambulance on the way and I took off to get our 6 large pieces of luggage through customs and figure out how to get a taxi to some hotel. Leana stayed to go to the hospital with mom on the ambulance. I found a taxi and a hotel and apparently Leana found a Cuban paramedic admirer. He gave her a sight seeing tour through Miami on the way to the hospital and offered his number to her when they arrived at their destination. Those Latin men are not shy in showing their attraction for you......

I arrived at the hotel with all our luggage in tow, I called family, got our flights cancelled, and then began adding up how much this was going to cost mom...basically the cost of two vacations when it was going to be all said and done.

I decided to call moms travel agent to get some advise on how to save some costs on flights home etc......apparently mom bought insurance for this trip....every single thing was insured...the flights, hotel, hospital. food, taxi's...EVERYTHING! This was huge news, this was something wonderful  coming out of a horrible day.  I think at that moment the day finally hit me and some of the stress was dripping off my back.....I had been up 30+ hours straight....I was tired...I showered off and crawled into bed and fell asleep....

In the meantime mom had no "visits to the bathroom" since about 5am that morning and if they told the hospital they were certain it was norovirus they  would have kept her for a week in quarantine. They took mom to the public hospital, the ghetto hospital of Miami, and Leana was not leaving our mom there so she convinced the Dr. ...or pleaded with Dr..... it was just bad shrimp and she just needed some good sleep at her hotel at this point.......they finally released her that evening.....

Poor mom...she was still just in a robe..so Leana found had a shirt she could wear and apparently a pair of underwear that she grabbed before we left our stateroom...and then they had to catch a taxi to the hotel I found....

So I met them in the lobby at our hotel after their arrival from the cab and here comes mom...looking like death warmed over in a robe, t-shirt, and underwear..and of course I snickered and said....

"Well, that is how we all should arrive at a hotel...in a robe and underwear!"

....my poor mom and all that she has to put up with....I do wish I would have had my camera for her grand entrance...it would have been priceless....

She slept well that night and was feeling better by morning...it may have been a case of norovirus, or something she ate, we don't know for sure...the rest of us were lucky..none of us got sick.....That was a long 48 hours for me....I was just waiting to be sick, unsure if the virus was going to sneak up on me.

We had to stay in Miami till Monday...me and Leana had to be to the airport by 5am and our shuttle did not come pick us up, we had to call a taxi... I got to the airport and my flight was delayed....

When I arrived at the desk to check my bags the lady offered to upgrade my ticket to first class for basically the cost it was going to check my bags + 30 dollars...at first I said no then the last 72 hours flashed through my head.....and then the images of coach flashed through my head...

 and then images of first class came to me............

then I came to my senses and said.....

"Yes! Yes, I will fly home first class, here is my credit card!"

 

Just Say No to Bo Derek Braids!

I am an observer of all things around me. I watch people, listen, and form opinions in my head of what I have observed. Don't think I am just sitting around judging people all day.....people just fascinate me...it is not to judge...is to observe, collect data, and then share what I have observed with others. I also do this with myself...I mentally observe myself, and I am the first to point out to others the data I have collected on myself....it is all very scientific? So here is some observations I made on my vacation....

OBSERVATION 1:
Why do people over the age of 18 feel it necessary to put Bo Derek braids in their hair when vacationing in Caribbean locations?....Okay, Okay, this is a judgemental thing...I try to not be judgemental...but this is a fashion choice...this is a bad hair choice that white woman over the age of 18 should not do....on kids it looks fine...adults, no it does not!

Okay...I will judge myself now since I just judged some random woman I took a picture of to point out the fact that white woman should not do this (and while we are talking about this woman, DO NOT wear floral print from head to toe!!!!)...okay, back to me...

OBSERVATION 2:
So my sister made a very insightful observation while cruising. She stated that all cruising does is prepare you for elderly care living. They have daily activities, set meal times, entertainment, bingo,and socializing. After several days on the ship I found myself being just a fraction of  a second away from drinking Ensure and wearing orthopedic shoes.

Here is the thing with me....I am not a live it up all night kind of girl.....give me a book, chair, some sun, and a pool to sit by and I am thrilled.....and because I would eat a large decadent meal at dinner and had been in the sun all day..... I was ready for bed by 10pm......

Really it came down to...I had time just for me...nobody needing anything from me...no children demanding my attention....no tests or papers to write! I was relaxed...and when I am relaxed....I get sleepy....

Can I share a true story.....My niece and I  actually avoided going to a late show so that we could get up early to go play Bingo....yes, you heard that right.....I did not dance the night away, or exchange witty banter with the gays in the martini lounge, or experience the late night comedy act because..... I had free bingo cards to play in the morning.....

Another true story....My niece and I went back to our stateroom so we could finish reading our Hunger Games books while my mom and sister went dancing and living up the night life that the cruise had to offer......what is sadder....me in bed by 10?.... or my 22 year old niece in bed by 10?...hmmmm

see.....just a fraction of a second short of drinking Ensure and wearing orthopedic shoes.....

OBSERVATION 3:
When you take several pictures on vacation you always end up with some that are quickly deleted off of your camera because of the blurriness or an unflattering pose...but when a professional photo is taken  that is displayed on a wall for a ship of 2,000 people to see...well...how do you deal with that....

you stand there and laugh hysterically at the said photo...take a picture of it with your phone...and quickly decide it is a contender for awkward family photos.......maybe I should have spent the 19.00 bucks and purchased the original...because it is CLASSIC!

This picture was taken on a very windy excursion in St. Marteen....Not sure what my mom and I are looking at...Leana is proudly displaying her coffee...and Gabby, she is really the only one that looks decent....so may I present ...awkward family photo 2012

OBSERVATION 4:

My mom...my poor mom...this is not really a new observation...but she endures copious amounts of teasing from us. She figures when we stop teasing her then we have stopped caring and loving her. Really we tease her out of love...I promise!!!! So the first day we came together for this vacation we began the quotes or word of the day because...well...my mom can be darn funny sometimes and can come up with some funny one liners...so here is a sampling....

"Commando"........I will share this story only with permission...

"It is just like being at the ocean"......said as was we were in the middle of the ocean

"Cruising must be a gay thing"........after observing several gay couples on the ship

"I knew a boy in high school that had a woody"......long pause.......giggle from us......"...a woody wagon!"..........

There were several more ...the list goes on.....I love that woman...she can give me comedic material for years!

Observation 5:

Men...if you have hairy backs......landscape it or wax it.....when it is blowing in the breeze...not attractive!

Men...please leave the speedo at home unless you have Michael Phelps body.......

Woman....just because the bikini comes in your size....does not mean you should wear it....

Woman....please ...if you are hairy....if you know what I  mean...landscape also.......when it is blowing in the breeze...not attractive!

Observation 6:

If they offer you a drink in the Caribbean that is called, "The Painkiller"......be aware the drink got this name for a reason....a lesson a fellow 20 year old traveler learned...it may taste sweet and yummy at the time..... but not so much when it is coming back up later.....

Observation 7:

Why is that when a buffet offers 24 hours of food...you feel the need to eat 18 of it?


Observation 8:

Old people are rude...especially at the buffet.....don't get between them and the beets!


...enough said I suppose...

Well on to my last and final post from my vacation.....next we have......

Norovirus.....stench.....I.V.'s...Dr.Cuba.....flirting paramedics....ghetto Miami hospital......

TO BE CONTINUED:

St. Marteen...Dutch, French, Naked Sunbathers, and Sheep!

We ported in St. Marteen the next morning after spending an amazing day in St. Thomas . My mom wanted to do a guided tour of the island that took you to the French side of the island (we ported on the Dutch side). Since we had not up to this point been able to spend a day all together in port it sounded like the perfect thing that we all could do. The port was not as impressive as St. Thomas but it was still beautiful. Out of the whole trip this was the only day where we had some random sprinkles of rain and some cloud cover but it was still very warm.

So we loaded up early in the morning on the bus and took off for our tour......

St. Marteen is split between the two countries of Holland and France. You port on the Dutch side because it is to shallow to port on the French side. The first thing I noticed was cactus's all over the hills.....it looked more like the landscape you get in the Mediterranean.

The Dutch side (our ship in the distance)

 Another cruise ship coming in for the day

The french side of the island...and where we were headed to do some shopping.

A man with a message for all the tourist...see America is not the only place with Jesus freaks!

Border to the French side

Our destination approaching

The bus dropped us off in the French Quarter. It has lots of high end shopping,restaurants, hotels but it also had open market (comparable to a flea/farmers market) where locals sell their art, jewelry, clothes, and other things. We spent some time here and picked up a few things.

I think most people know St. Marteen for this beach.......which is right by this area...

 

Nothing like a Boeing jet landing right over you while you drink your Mai Tai.

And St Marteen is known for this beach...a lot of people naked...who should not be naked!

So after our shopping and sight seeing the bus took us on the rest of the tour of the island. We learned they have lots of dingos on the island, no snakes but a mongoose problem. Dutch children start school at 3 and all kids are eligible for scholarships for college. Locals usually have a long life expectancy, I assume low stress is the key factor in that......mmmmm....the tour guide talked a lot so I think I will just keep showing some pics.....

The most heavily patrolled border I have ever seen.....not...but we did have to stop for.....

sheep to cross the road...aha....felt like I was back in Idaho!

We made it back to the ship by early afternoon and had a bite to eat at the ship and then did some shopping at the mall located outside the port area

We ported out around 5 that evening...that was our last port, we were headed for home....2 days at sea

So even though this was our last port I feel with all vacations I need to share my observations of fellow travelers, my thoughts on cruising, things that we shared as a family along the way in our travels....all these things need to be shared still and that deserves a post of its own. I also need to share our final night and morning on the ship which ended with my mom in an ambulance in Miami...that deserves a post of its own also. 

Traveling with us...well it is always an adventure!

A Little Piece of Paradise

I woke up Tuesday early and stepped out on the veranda of our stateroom as we were preparing to port into St Thomas. I watched as the dock workers tied the large ropes from the ship to the dock and responded to their "good mornings" to those of us who were peering at them from above.

Gabby had officially fulfilled her 24 hour quarantine obligation and she promptly got dressed and headed for the infirmary to get released. Mom, however, could not be released till 2pm that day so Leana volunteered to stay at the ship with mom until she was able to be released. Gabby and I were headed for the beach for the day.

I took off to get some breakfast at the buffet before we headed out for the day and I chose a path that would take me on the other side of the ship so I could see the view from the other side of the ship. Do you ever have that moment when you see something that takes your breath away? When you see something you cannot not stop and take it in? When I picture the Caribbean in my head...  it was exactly what I was seeing at that moment....it was a little piece of heaven....

I walked to the highest deck on the ship and sat there for awhile and took it all in. I watched the million dollar yachts come in and out, watched the small sail boats set their anchors for the day, I watched the small power boats leave with local fisherman...it was a small piece of heaven here in the Caribbean. After I took several pictures of the view around me I stood back and took a picture of my smile.....no one was with me when I was taking this all in and I wanted to make sure I remembered this small moment...this moment of paradise......

After breakfast Gabby and I went off ship for a little while and walked around the outdoor mall that was by the pier before we headed out for the beach. It was a warm day and it was going to be a perfect day to spend at the beach. Like I said, mom could not leave the ship till 2pm... so from our stateroom veranda... "Quarantined" mom waved goodbye to us as we headed out for the day.....

So the first thing that happened as we got ready to depart is we notice that our taxi driver removes a shotgun from his front seat and places it behind his seat?! I look at Gabby and say, "Well this is going to be a fun ride!"........ being from the west I have a familiarity with guns however it is not a common site for a taxi driver to carry a shotgun with them.......however, I really think the British mother and daughter in front of us were more  alarmed than most of us at the site of this weapon......

So I am not sure if I can describe what driving in St. Thomas is like. A few rules I learned is...lines on the road are insignificant, they are there for decoration......and it is okay just to pull out in front of people at anytime and stopping randomly in the middle of the road is okay.....keep arms and hands inside in the car at all times otherwise you may loose them to a car trying to pass you!

Our taxi driver went ahead and stopped in the road and let us get out and take in some of the views of the island.......

An eagle's view of the beach that we were headed to for the day.

Paradise

The view from the road on our way to the beach....there is our ship in the distance.

The beach was beautiful....white sand...blue water...I am a happy camper when you put me on a beach...I love the beach...water....sand...all of it! So here in the states you have to deal with seagulls, crabs, or  jellyfish at the beach but in St. Thomas you deal with iguana's. Really big iguanas that apparently love chicken and whatever else you may be gnashing on from the bar and grill.....

So the other thing that you have to deal with in these beautiful blue waters is fishy's that like toe nail polish. There was small schools of fish swimming in the shallows that stayed away from you but in these schools there was a larger fish that swam low...sand level and really liked feet...our feet. You also needed to keep an eye on the large pelicans feasting on these small schools of fish. They would dive bomb into the water extremely close to you to gather up these fish.

That is Gabby looking down in the water probably questioning that nibble on her foot?

You see... iguana's, toe nibbling fish, and pelicans didn't matter because I had my toes in the Caribbean sand, drinking a pina colada, spending the day with my niece...it was PARADISE!

It was a perfect day...we sat at the bar and grill on the beach and had a piece of greasy pizza and watched the waves come in......

But we did have to finally call it a day and get back to the ship.....

Mom did finally get released and was able to do some shopping....you know what happens to my mom when you a confine her to a small space for 24 hours and then release her....she buys lots of expensive jewelry...that is how she deals with "Quarantine!"...

We ported out around 5 that evening......So we had to say good-bye to St. Thomas......

 

TO BE CONTINUED......St. Marteen

Delinquency at the Rum Factory

 

Here we are...me and my sister off ship in Puerto Rico after the "Quarantine" incident......If you look real hard you might see Gabby leaning out on the veranda shouting expletives (Gabby didn't do that, but I am sure she was shouting them in her head).

We actually did not port into Puerto Rico till late afternoon so we were very limited on what to do. We ended up visiting the Bacardi Rum Factory and shopping around Old Town Puerto Rico for awhile.

And I believe the exact words of Gabby were, "I wanted to see how they make rum!" as we we left the infirmary but in all honesty the rum factory was a huge disappointment and a waste of time. I think Gabby was pleased to hear this bit of information when we came back later that evening....BUT... let me go ahead and show some top secret rum factory photos with you and share why me and my sister are not allowed to go on excursions alone together.

So first of all within 5 minutes off the ship we had flattering pick up lines thrown out at us and a man letting me know he is divorced and available. So I quickly came to the conclusion that if Adrian ever chose to leave this apparently hot "chica", I will have to move to Puerto Rico because I will be able to find a date without any problems. So they had a bus available to load up on, that I believe my parents may have ridden to school in the 1950's to take us to this rum factory.

 However I knew we had a good tour guide because look at his name.....Adrian...perfect!

Adrian was a great tour guide and shared with us Puerto Rico's coqui frog that he caught earlier that day.......a coqui is indigenous to Puerto Rico and they are very small and have a distinct croak.

......and you want to know what Puerto Ricans pay for gas.......mmmmm.......... .97cents a gallon....nice huh! So after a very warm ride through questionable neighborhoods we arrive at the Bacardi factory and we wait for our tour to begin. So I see a tree on the grounds that is the kind that grows its roots back down in the ground from limbs of the tree so I figure I will get closer to take a picture but apparently you are not allowed to go on any of the grass, which by the way is not grass..it is mowed down weeds. There was no signs...I guess they figure people will not venture onto the grass when free rum is being passed out. So me and my sister begin out on the grass and are whistled at and yelled at to come back to the concrete waiting area. So Bacardi can suck it, I took a picture of the tree before I began walking away even though you can't see the detail of it ...

So they load us up on the bus and I think to myself we will see sugar cane fields and take a tour of the factory where the rum is being distilled......no. no. no. no. no. no....they take us to a museum and begin telling us the history of Bacardi...we watch a dumb film and then they take us to a room...

Where apparently we cannot take pictures....no sign again....nobody said we could not...I took a few pics....and was quickly whistled at and then yelled at not to take pictures? We were looking at 1800's distillery's.....old trademark signs........old paperwork...why can't I take a picture...Is this the CIA of rum...are they showing us the holy grail of rum secrets?....

SO....Bacardi can suck it again....at this time I am going to post all three  pictures I took in this top secret museum......EVERY PICTURE...even if they are out of focus....so here you go....TOP SECRET STUFF PEOPLE...enjoy!

and now a sign that no one has ever seen before....you won't believe your eyes on how top secret this sign is...you will be amazed what kind of secrets this museum held...TAAAADAAA!

...yup...it is the Bacardi bat logo...the one that MILLIONS of people see every day but apparently this bat logo is different...it is top secret!!!  you could take a picture of this bat logo......

...or this bat logo.....

 

.....but not that first logo...really it became my mission to take pictures of all bat logos just so I could mentally tell Bacardi to suck it!...and that was it...no factory...no sugar cane fields...nothing...they took us back to the gift shop and sent us back to our 1950's school bus!

So in conclusion Leana and I were yelled at twice on our excursion..so.....in reality mom would have hated the ride to the factory because of the heat and questionable neighborhoods  we had to drive through and Gabby would have been thoroughly embarrassed by her mom and aunts antics through out the tour, so in the end it was probably better that Leana had them put in quarantine....at least that is what we convinced ourselves.

Anyways we made it back to the ship but were unsure if we wanted to get back on the ship where Leana's parental fail was awaiting our return so we decided to do some shopping in Old City Puerto Rico which was in the pier area of the ship. This area was fun and I wish we would have just stayed in this area for the day.

When we got back to the ship we learned that not only had they been quarantined they gave them a restricted diet of dry toast and chicken broth. ....and apparently by the various visits of the crew our room had become "THAT" room...that contagious room.....but really.....

....at this point mom felt fine...and Gabby had felt fine...and well they were hungry!

quarantined, starved, and the plague of the ship.....

So because Leana and I had access to a bounty of food through out the ship... and well we were not quarantined ....we raided the buffets and smuggled a feast to bring back to the room.....

The ship ported out that evening at 11 and we bid adios to Puerto Rico and called it a night.....it was definitely an adventure...and I still say..... suck it BACARDI!

Next stop.....St Thomas.......quarantine, shotguns, and iguanas

TO BE CONTINUED: