Just Say No to Bo Derek Braids!

I am an observer of all things around me. I watch people, listen, and form opinions in my head of what I have observed. Don't think I am just sitting around judging people all day.....people just fascinate me...it is not to judge...is to observe, collect data, and then share what I have observed with others. I also do this with myself...I mentally observe myself, and I am the first to point out to others the data I have collected on myself....it is all very scientific? So here is some observations I made on my vacation....

OBSERVATION 1:
Why do people over the age of 18 feel it necessary to put Bo Derek braids in their hair when vacationing in Caribbean locations?....Okay, Okay, this is a judgemental thing...I try to not be judgemental...but this is a fashion choice...this is a bad hair choice that white woman over the age of 18 should not do....on kids it looks fine...adults, no it does not!

Okay...I will judge myself now since I just judged some random woman I took a picture of to point out the fact that white woman should not do this (and while we are talking about this woman, DO NOT wear floral print from head to toe!!!!)...okay, back to me...

OBSERVATION 2:
So my sister made a very insightful observation while cruising. She stated that all cruising does is prepare you for elderly care living. They have daily activities, set meal times, entertainment, bingo,and socializing. After several days on the ship I found myself being just a fraction of  a second away from drinking Ensure and wearing orthopedic shoes.

Here is the thing with me....I am not a live it up all night kind of girl.....give me a book, chair, some sun, and a pool to sit by and I am thrilled.....and because I would eat a large decadent meal at dinner and had been in the sun all day..... I was ready for bed by 10pm......

Really it came down to...I had time just for me...nobody needing anything from me...no children demanding my attention....no tests or papers to write! I was relaxed...and when I am relaxed....I get sleepy....

Can I share a true story.....My niece and I  actually avoided going to a late show so that we could get up early to go play Bingo....yes, you heard that right.....I did not dance the night away, or exchange witty banter with the gays in the martini lounge, or experience the late night comedy act because..... I had free bingo cards to play in the morning.....

Another true story....My niece and I went back to our stateroom so we could finish reading our Hunger Games books while my mom and sister went dancing and living up the night life that the cruise had to offer......what is sadder....me in bed by 10?.... or my 22 year old niece in bed by 10?...hmmmm

see.....just a fraction of a second short of drinking Ensure and wearing orthopedic shoes.....

OBSERVATION 3:
When you take several pictures on vacation you always end up with some that are quickly deleted off of your camera because of the blurriness or an unflattering pose...but when a professional photo is taken  that is displayed on a wall for a ship of 2,000 people to see...well...how do you deal with that....

you stand there and laugh hysterically at the said photo...take a picture of it with your phone...and quickly decide it is a contender for awkward family photos.......maybe I should have spent the 19.00 bucks and purchased the original...because it is CLASSIC!

This picture was taken on a very windy excursion in St. Marteen....Not sure what my mom and I are looking at...Leana is proudly displaying her coffee...and Gabby, she is really the only one that looks decent....so may I present ...awkward family photo 2012

OBSERVATION 4:

My mom...my poor mom...this is not really a new observation...but she endures copious amounts of teasing from us. She figures when we stop teasing her then we have stopped caring and loving her. Really we tease her out of love...I promise!!!! So the first day we came together for this vacation we began the quotes or word of the day because...well...my mom can be darn funny sometimes and can come up with some funny one liners...so here is a sampling....

"Commando"........I will share this story only with permission...

"It is just like being at the ocean"......said as was we were in the middle of the ocean

"Cruising must be a gay thing"........after observing several gay couples on the ship

"I knew a boy in high school that had a woody"......long pause.......giggle from us......"...a woody wagon!"..........

There were several more ...the list goes on.....I love that woman...she can give me comedic material for years!

Observation 5:

Men...if you have hairy backs......landscape it or wax it.....when it is blowing in the breeze...not attractive!

Men...please leave the speedo at home unless you have Michael Phelps body.......

Woman....just because the bikini comes in your size....does not mean you should wear it....

Woman....please ...if you are hairy....if you know what I  mean...landscape also.......when it is blowing in the breeze...not attractive!

Observation 6:

If they offer you a drink in the Caribbean that is called, "The Painkiller"......be aware the drink got this name for a reason....a lesson a fellow 20 year old traveler learned...it may taste sweet and yummy at the time..... but not so much when it is coming back up later.....

Observation 7:

Why is that when a buffet offers 24 hours of food...you feel the need to eat 18 of it?


Observation 8:

Old people are rude...especially at the buffet.....don't get between them and the beets!


...enough said I suppose...

Well on to my last and final post from my vacation.....next we have......

Norovirus.....stench.....I.V.'s...Dr.Cuba.....flirting paramedics....ghetto Miami hospital......

TO BE CONTINUED: