Unforgotten Feelings

As I was flipping channels on the T.V. this morning I came across a documentary about a women who had a micro-preemie. The baby was born at 25 weeks and weighed only 1 pound. They had the decision to take him off of any life support because they knew his ability to thrive and live would be limited to say the least. They choose to continue with the support and health care and though there were times they thought he would not survive and he will have always have disability issues in the end he made it. He was walking and smiling and laughing and doing things the doctors said he would never do.

Though we are approaching the twins 11th birthday in a week my memories and feelings that I experienced while they were in the NICU will never be forgotten. The women in this documentary described the NICU as a science fiction lab that few are aware of. The delicate support of death and life is executed everyday. I was lucky, it is a constant barrage of tests that determine if your child will have a life of health and mental normality, all of our tests came back good where as others were not as lucky. To not be able to hold your child right away, to be able to kiss them on their head, to dress them in their new onesies, and not be able to give them a bath, all these things are taken from you and all that clouds your mind is the thoughts of, "please Lord let them make it through this day."

I felt this woman's uncertainty of the future and her fear of what the outcome may be. You learn to live by day, hours, and minutes in the NICU. First thing you check is if any weight gain has happened and the slow removal of wires and tubes. The less tubes there are the better things are getting.

I do remember the first time I did get to hold them, feed them, bathe them. It was the stepping stones to them coming home.

They give you CPR class before they send you home with a preemie. They have apnea issues and tend to forget to breath. You leave the hospital with oxygen and wires still attached. You leave the security of the doctors and nurses behind and now you are in charge of this fragile little life.

The twins were born on September 10th and Cheyenne came home first a few days before Halloween. They kept Kaitlynn another week because her oxygen levels kept dipping. When I finally brought Kaitlynn home I laid her down next to Cheyenne and it as though she just knew instinctively that was her other half, the one that shared the womb with her. She began kicking her feet and smiling., she knew she was home.

We have been fortunate that they have few issues. We had a scare of cellulitis (picture above) and a tumor on Cheyenne's ovary that proved to be malignant but after surgical removal there was no need for chemotherapy. They have a few speech delays and learning delays but they keep up in school with a little extra effort and help.

Here they are 11 years later. They are starting to change to young women now and they love Hannah Montana, Wizards of Waverly Place, music, makeup, clothes and boys. They are amazing and they will always be my little miracles!!