Fact: I love my kids with every cell in my body.
Fact: Like most parents, my kids can test every ounce of my patience some days.
Fact: I love time spent with my kids.
Fact: I like having time to myself and being away from kids.
Fact: I will miss my kids when they start to leave home to venture out on their own.
Fact: I am looking forward to my years with just me and my hubby once the kids are grown and gone.
Here is a piece of an article that my cousin posted on her website:
Every time I'm out with my kids -- this seems to happen:
An older woman stops us, puts her hand over her heart and says something like, "Oh, Enjoy every moment. This time goes by so fast."
Everywhere I go, someone is telling me to seize the moment, raise my awareness, be happy, enjoy every second, etc, etc, etc.
I know that this message is right and good. But, I have finally allowed myself to admit that it just doesn't work for me. It bugs me. This CARPE DIEM message makes me paranoid and panicky. Especially during this phase of my life - while I'm raising young kids. Being told, in a million different ways to CARPE DIEM makes me worry that if I'm not in a constant state of intense gratitude and ecstasy, I'm doing something wrong.
AMEN!! Thank goodness I am not the only one out there that feels this way. I know, I get the message...these days of raising my babies is going to pass in a blink of an eye. My twins are young women now and changing every day I look at them. My youngest is no longer that toddler that always found her way to my lap with her sippy cup. They are growing at a rapid pace and I try to soak in those little moments any chance I get among the chaos.
This article struck a cord with me because we all encounter those mothers...those women...who eat, breath, and live every waking moment of their children. As a mother I walk away from these mothers saying to myself, "I suck!"..."Why don't I hover over my children like that!"......"Seriously, I would kill for a week away from my children!"....."OMG!, I am a horrible mother!"....."Does she have any interests away from her children?"........"I am really not feeling intense gratitude at this moment."?"........"Where is my motherly euphoric feeling?"....."Carpe Diem, my ass!"....."Should I be more like her?"
No....I should not be more like that mother....I just need to be the best mother I can be...
So how do I balance it all and be okay with not always having the perfect mother glow oozing from my soul? How do I make sure I ingest those special moments and take those not special moments in stride? How do I survive this thing called motherhood and not lose myself somewhere in between?
The author of the article gives an excellent way to separate moments of motherhood. She uses Chronos time and Kairos time. This is an ancient Greek method to describe time. Chronos is the actual chronological time we are living at this moment. Kairos time signifies a time in between, a moment of indeterminate time in which something special happens; it is more qualitive by nature.
Chronos time right now involves my children fighting over who is using the last pink cup in the cupboard. The youngest is screaming at the top of her lungs while the twins hover the cup above their heads running around the kitchen. I have copious amount of studying, and I have to go to class tonight, and my head is pounding with a unrelenting headache.
Kairos time.....my youngest is working hard on a birthday card for her grandpa that she adores, her tongue is slightly out and to the side as she concentrates on her masterpiece. She carefully chooses each color with care and is debating whether glitter should be used.The twins are proudly displaying their report cards on the fridge because they struggle in math and they both received an A in math and that is a huge victory for them, their smile as they handed me their report card...priceless!
So when I encounter someone who says to enjoy this time and Carpe Diem the day, or I encounter those mothers who seem to relish in perfection of this motherhood thing...I just need to nod and say, I will.... and remind myself that I am the best mother that I can be......
And as the author eloquently tells herself at the end of the article and now I need to tell myself:
Carpe a couple of Kairoses a day.
Good enough for me.
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