Yup, I am still alive!

Sometime in January was my last post. So let me do a quick run down on what has been going on

• I survived my first year of nursing school
• I survived my first year of nursing school
• I survived my first year of nursing school
• I may be a little less sane
• I survived my first year of nursing school
• My eyes have seen things that cannot be unseen
• I survived my first year of nursing school
• I am still married and celebrated 19 years in March
• I survived my first year of nursing school
• My children are alive and only slightly traumatized from my absence the last 9 months
• I survived my first year of nursing school
• Somehow I lost over 30 pounds through my first year of nursing school
• I am still employed and some weeks I was there more than home
• I am HAPPY, HEALTHY, and a little WISER
• I survived my first year of nursing school!

There it is! My life in a nutshell the last few months....

HOMEWORK, SCHOOL, WORK, HOUSEWORK...a looping circle that felt like at times an acid trip, 70 hour weeks.....I felt disconnected at times, not present, but somehow floating through what needed to get done.

I need to take my LPN exam, and then I can start working as an LPN at the center I work at....nervous.... but I know I will it pass it.

I am looking forward to some much needed down time. So let me do a quick run down on what I plan on doing this summer.

• Sleep
• Rest
• Play
• Work

Simple...but....

PERFECT!

Authentic Self

I am sure most of you have seen in the news the story about the Notre Dame football player that was deceived by an online love interest.  Supposedly this online love affair went on for awhile, and then she supposedly died of cancer, but come to find out it was all a lie. It had been another man that he had been talking to for all those years online....she never existed.

There is a show on MTV called "Catfish", and if it is on when you are flipping through channels..it is fascinating. It is directed by a guy who had a online love affair with what he thought was a young beautiful blonde, but come to find out it was a 40 some year old married housewife. This whole process of him finding the truth was documented. He now helps others discover their mysterious online loves, and see if it was who they had been led to believe they had fallen in love with.

From a psychology aspect this show is fascinating to watch. We encounter people, and we collectively move along in this subconscious stream together everyday...but...for some people... to connect to someone..... they choose a  faceless world to connect to...and a lot of times present a "false" self...the self they have always wanted to be ..or thought others wanted them to be.

"To thine own self be true".........Shakespeare.....the 1500's .......people presenting themselves in a false context.

The grandeur of the Egyptian "Gods" an their grand pyramids......dated BC....presenting themselves as deity's from the celestial skies...they were human as you and I.....

Is that an inherent human flaw...this need to hide our...authenticate self?

I tease that I am old...I know I have a lot of life to live... and infinite amount to still learn....

but...I will say this...I have learned in my short (young) 37 years...that

I am a who I am.....I am not going to mold myself to accommodate others to make them more comfortable ....

I am okay with my thoughts, my spirituality...I am okay being me...

There are aspects of me that need work..my husband may say I have several aspects..... but they are my flaws.. and I accept those flaws....and thankfully my husband does to ;)....

My daughter asked me the other day why I don't sew. Keep in context that we live in a state where a lot of women are into crafty things...including sewing....I answered with "I don't enjoy it, crafting is not my interest, just like some people don't like to cook, or play sports, or hike up a mountain"....

...and then she said something that spurred this blog post....

...she said....."Is it embarrassing that you don't know how to sew?..."you can pretend you can.".....

*BING*...there it is...don't be your authenticate self...be what others think you should be...

I just patted her on the head and said, "I highly doubt any cares if I sew...at the end of the day those kind of things don't matter...and people will love me for just being me!"

I watch people flounder, and consistently trying to find their authenticate self....

I just want to hold them and say...."Why would you think your authenticate self is not good enough, that is how you were born, that is who you are...that is perfection...and how are you going to beat perfection?"

If I do one thing right as a parent.. I hope I can not stress this enough to my children.....

LIVE...live as nothing but your authenticate self.....

Because that is infinite perfection!

McDonalds, It Can Be Therapeutic!

When we had the twins I decided to stay home, and I was a housewife for a lot of years. I will readily admit that being at home with toddler twins was challenging...and by challenging.....I mean bang your head repeatedly on a spike studded 2X4 challenging.

My days consisted of...

 Blues Clues...... I became very attached to Steve....then Steve went to college....I don't want to talk about it..it was traumatic!

Missing sippy cups that of course had milk in them...to be found three days later with curdled milk in them...oh the horror of that smell. If you have never had a toddler, you have no idea of the importance of the sippy cup. Look, when it comes to the importance of inventions in my book, sippy cups are in the top ten, it is a close second to TiVo and Spanx.

Countless hours of picking up toys that I had just picked up two minutes before. I had a bright idea to buy them a ball pit at some point...worst idea ever!

Hours spent trying to use child psychology to convince two two year olds that they cannot go to preschool until they are potty trained....it all came down to old fashioned bribery...M&M's to be exact....it went something like this..."You go pee in that potty chair and you get chocolate and sugar made into colorful yummy goodness...and you go poop in that same potty and I will give you the whole damn 8 pound bag of colorful yummy goodness."

Countless hours spent agonizing if it is really worth it to load the kids up in their car seats, coats, mittens, and hats to go to the grocery store. "Do they really need milk and bread?" I would ask myself. Now, to the person who has not had a toddler this seems like a stupid question to ponder, but to the person who has had a toddler, this a perfectly legitimate dilemma. See, if I took them to the store, it turned into what felt like an expedition to Dante's inferno and back. At some point in our grocery trip someone would have cried, pooped, or needed a Band-Aid...and is all that worth it for milk...I think not!

Now there was other aspects to being home also...I may or may not have participated in...like....

.... watching the whole T.V. series of Dawson's Creek, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and 7th Heaven....

....Spending a few hours here and there talking to friends on the phone in similar situations...they kept me sane!

......Some days were spent in my PJ's the whole day

.....Countless hours of baking and cooking fun stuff...hence why I gained copious amounts of weight.

...and there were honestly days I did nothing....nothing at all....

So why am I reminiscing about this blip in my life?

I saw a small glimmer of what I looked like back then...in my husband...this last week.

So my schedule is busy...I am gone a lot...my hubby has been playing Mr. Mom. He has been home the last 2 months on workman's comp because of his broken tibia.

I came home after a 12 hour day...it was one of many 12 hour days....

Dinner was burnt...the kids were grounded...he had not attempted to groom himself in a few days....the house was trashed...

I was pissed at first when I walked into this chaos....

I thought.."What the hell, I have been busting my butt all day and I come home to this?"...."What have you been doing all day?"

...I also discovered he ritually watched criminal minds reruns on T.V...wore the same shorts daily... spent a lot of time playing online video games...was trying new recipes and upset that I had not praised a new recipe he made, he vehemently let me know his disappoint in my lack of acknowledging his hard work on this recipe......

it was me...

11 years ago... minus the ponytail and toddler boogers wiped on my clothes.

...all my days of being a "housewife".... and some days...

 I just failed at it...I flopped....I should have been fired some days!

So what did I do...I put my jacket back on...told the kids to get their shoes...asked the husband to change his clothes (remember he has been wearing the same shorts daily).... and get in the car....

We went to McDonald's for dinner...The kids were happy...the husband was happy he was getting out of the house and "mom" was home.....It is not 5 five star dining but in that moment it is what is needed.

The same thing happened on many occasions 11 years ago...Adrian loading us all up in the car...the toddlers were happy, and I was happy I was getting out of the house... and "dad" was home.

This is marriage...marriage with kids.....

 Perfectly imperfect. It is complicated, messy, full of flaws, and lacks five star dining...and....

Some day's we just fail at it...

Some day's we flop on our face...

Some day's we really should be fired....

...and some day's.....

We just need that one person who is willing to takes us to....

.... McDonald's.....

Just Life and All Things Involved

In the past month.... few weeks....few days.... today.... and right now...this is what has been happening....

About a month and a half ago she turned 6...she may be going on 26....seriously, she tried to convince me she needs a cell phone.

They turned 13 this past month...they may be going on 3....I say that out of love, but they are teens..you understand.

About a month ago I got to spend a weekend with this guy..my dad...

I started school and the last few weeks we started simulation type labs to practice nursing skills. This is us practicing dressing a wound (and yes, that is a butt, next week we do foley catheters..I think you can imagine what that simulation part looks like)....guess what... this simulation came in handy... because the other day I got to dress a real wound that was just as deep and nasty as this one...and it was AWESOME!!!

 These past few weeks I have worked a lot...I work at a skilled care center that has long term care, rehabilitation unit, and a Alzheimer's unit. All units have there pros and cons when working them but overall it has been good.  Lets face it when working with predominately geriatric patients the highlights of the day is when they do this (see below)...I wish I could give them this t-shirt....it would also make my job easier when it came to charting, then I would not have to ask them the inevitable question everyday.....

This is what my google search looks like on my phone over the past week. Please note the third search on the list...I study...I stress.... I want to eat...and eat....and eat so I start looking at my favorite food blogs and then I snap out of it and begin my scholastic search again

 

 

The last few days...well....I hit my wall....I am tired, emotionally drained, exhausted kindof wall...my days start really early and end late with no rest in between...but...like everyone else going through the same feelings and exhausting schedule...you just keep going...because...well that is what you do....

 

 

 

Today I did my weekly cleaning at my in-laws. My mother-in-law is going through chemo for breast cancer...it has been tough going..name it and she has experienced it. Just this week she had to go through a blood transfusion. I love her and my heart aches a little time I see her....she has two more chemo treatments to go....

 

 

Right now....I am sitting on the couch watching Avengers with my family....

 

...and believe you and me....

 

 there is no other place I would rather be........

 





Goal almost reached...Can I have a piece of cake now?

http://namebrandmomingenericjeans.blogspot.com/2012/04/fighting-my-inner-demoncupcakes.html

So at the end of January I made the dreaded New Years resolution....

LOSE WEIGHT....

So I wrote a blog entry (posted above) about the journey I started. I have started this journey many times over the years and about 5 months later I seem to flounder and start finding a million reasons why I need that Snickers bar. At my original post I had lost 31 pounds at that point and that was at the end of April (exclude March from that equation, I went on my cruise that month and ate my way through vacation.... and I don't regret it... and it was yummy!). I set goal for my birthday to lose 61 pounds total.

...so today is my birthday....

...and the grand total is.....

Not quite 61 pounds but pretty darn close ....

....and I am sure by Labor day I will be at that 61 weight lose marker......

.....I am down four sizes from where I originally started......

I have been lacking in the exercise department this last month. I will figure out a groove that works around my work. When I work a 12 hour shift and 11 hours and 45 minutes of it has been on my feet, the last thing I want to do is exercise. I know I need to find a routine  that will work for me on my days off ...and stay motivated to do it.

I eat healthy but I don't go overboard...I allow a yummy treat now and then.

Other than vitamins I am not taking any weight loss pills..

I am just learning moderation and finding my exercise groove so that it becomes a lifestyle habit and not a "diet".

So now it is time to set another goal I gave myself 15 weeks last time....

that is November 19th...right before the holidays......hmmmmm

I have slowed down as far as how much I lose weekly so I am shootimg for another .....

So when I make a birthday wish today...

I will be repeating 20 in my head

Wish me luck!

Every Little Thing Is Gonna Be Alright

I am having my half way there "BLAHS"......Do you ever have those days, weeks...months for some ...where something is just off?

You can't put a finger on it other than saying...."BLAH"......

Motivation is lacking....enthusiasm is minimal......laziness has crept in.....

I am a little over half way there in my weight loss and I have hit that dreaded plateau...physically and mentally. To the point where I stepped off the treadmill this last week...It just was not in me to exercise....What is the worst thing to do when trying to lose weight?...stop when it is getting the hardest. I will get back on the treadmill...my eating has remained healthy and consistent...I just need to find that spark again!..... I am only 10 pounds away from my end of summer goal......

I am half way there in school.....all my pre-req's are done, now it is on to just the core nursing classes.....getting everything together for nursing school has cost me a small fortune this summer...seriously 63.00 dollars for a scrub top? Updates on vaccinations at 50+ dollars a piece... CPR class...background checks.....and little things here and there that add up....I have not even looked at the books I need to purchase...thank goodness for grants and scholarships in the fall.....

My hair is half way there in growing out and it is at code red levels right now. I am growing it out so it will be easy to pull back when doing clinicals. The length is at that awkward level...I have huge amounts of cowlicks along the baseline of my hair and they are running rampant right now....they are not controllable and I am at their mercy...It is taking everything in my power not to run to my hairdresser and cut it to a comfortable level.....thank goodness my hair grows fast, and though it is annoying right now, it is temporary......

Monetarily things are tight so we have to be creative with extracurricular activities...there is only so many red box movie you can watch, and picnics to the park that can be had...my kids are getting cabin fever...I have cabin fever.....I think the summer "BLAHS" have infected the house.....unlike millions of others our health is good, our bills are paid, and meals are on the table...can't ask for more than that.

Here is the problem with the "BLAHS"...10 pounds from a goal, grants and scholarships, thick full hair, and roof over my head..... are all lost in a cloud of humdrums and tedious parts of life.

So how does one cure the "BLAHS" ?

Get back on the treadmill......realize the extra costs of school will bring nothing but financial gain in the end....buy some hair accessories and deal with it......family financial sacrifices is a temporary bump on the road right now.....

The "BLAHS" will fade away and....

in the words of Bob Marley~

...no truer words have been spoken,,,,,,

Fork In The Road

There is that time in life when you finally approach that fork in the road and you have to decide which direction you have to go. You take a deep breath and you go ahead and make your turn....you are on a new road and headed hopefully on the right path.....

When the twins were born we made a decision for me to stay home. I always knew that me staying at home  was not a permanent choice... but at the time it seemed to be the best decision for us. The years went by pretty seamlessly and then the economy ran over us with a Mac truck. Job change,  job losses, and a constant battlefield of uncertainty. We decided it was time for me to get back in the work force. I was not going to be gone 40+ hours a week from my family only making 10 dollars or less an hour. I was going to make sure it made economic sense for me to work outside the home. So I went back to school with the intent of getting a degree in nursing.

I worked for a little while when I started school as a CNA, but with Adrian's night job at the time and my job went into the night hours trying to find babysitting on Sunday nights and other nights became a nightmare and put a huge amount of stress on us. We desperately needed the extra income I made so we had to figure out a solution. Adrian went and found another job that was not at night and made more money so I could stay at home for a little longer because we did not have many options at the time. The kids were to young to leave at home by themselves for extended periods and we could not afford day care for three kids.....so we put me working for the time being on the back burner....

So fast forward to Monday morning............

I started my job at a skilled nursing center....

...okay so working is not huge...millions of people do it everyday.....

but for me it was that turn on to a brand new road.......

I have been home with my kids for basically the last twelve years....

but as of Monday I will be working...from here on out....until I guess .....I retire......

It was kind of surreal when I pulled up to the job.....

I am officially now on a new path....

....Now...I just hope I made the right turn in the fork of the road......



( p.s......by 9 am on my first day of the job I was highly questioning this decision...The air conditioning was down, I was wrist deep in poop, and having to contend with aloof coworkers...
...nobody said the road be easy I suppose....)

Call Me Crazy!

Happy July...is that what month it is? This summer is going by in a blink of an eye..is it?

Lets see, what is happening in the Brand house?...Apparently the word "energy" is difficult for Makenzie to say ...and I find her trying to say it, ADORABLE...because she is... well...adorable...

That kid cracks me up...and drives me to the brink of INSANITY most days. As of lately she is always wanting to know what we are doing five minutes from now or two weeks from now. She is not my, "live in the moment kind of girl"....she needs to know what is coming next. Even when reading her books she is trying to peek at the end to see what is coming. I think Makenzie hears me saying, "Don't worry about it, just relax and enjoy the moment!" at least twenty times a day.

We borrowed my father-in-laws telescope and set it up the other night to get a close up view of the moon. The twins were in awe of the craters and the magnificence of it,  Makenzie seemed disappointed after her view through the lens. I asked her what is wrong and she said, " Well, I thought there would be more to see....like an astronaut or something!"....sigh...that kid....I wonder if life will ever live up to her grand expectations?


The twins went to their first girls camp...I think they enjoyed it? They are in that teen grumble grumble stage. You ask questions and either you  get a grumble or something that resembles an answer.  I usually get the full story over a course of a few days because I am persistant and keep asking until they surrender and share with me. Most of their days are spent with friends.....and at this point I am the person that provides a bed, food, and electronic devices. They also drive me CRAZY most days with their inconsistent moods but who said living with teen girls was easy.....

I am gainfully employed at a skill care center....I will continue working through school...so I am thinking by the time I hit Christmas break from nursing school and working 12 hours shifts at the care center I should look something like this....so BE WARNED.....

I am finding a theme in this post so far ...."CRAZY".......

So lets go ahead and finish this post off with one of my CRAZY ideas....

So I have discussed my fascination with "Fancy" chickens in previous posts and my need to own some...but I have decided now that I can't just stop at the chickens I need something else to go along with the chickens......

I need fancy chickens.....

I also need a a pack of alpacas that I can shave various hairdos on.....

I also need a pack of fainting goats.....

Call me "CRAZY"...but how entertaining would these barnyard animals be? After a long day at work, I could sit on my porch look out on my land (I would need to move to a house with lots of land to fullfill this barnyard need)...and see all these animals and automatically my day would melt away and all I could do is smile......

a "CRAZY" smile..........

"The Joy Of Enjoying"

When I am on the computer doing homework for school, I seem to find myself coming over to blogger to break up the monotony of learning about human cells and why our bodies do the things they do. On my blog I can write without grammatical judgement (please don't judge me) and lack of any cerebral depth ( I only have cerebal depth at school.. at home any fart joke makes me laugh). When I am finished I move back to the place where commas and rational thoughts matter.

A friend stopped me the other day and gave me an earnest and concerned look and asked, "Why have you not written in awhile?"......"Is everything okay?".......

I felt the urgency to come up with some grand reason as to why I have a lack of words...why I have been silent for a month......

but......the real reason...

LAZINESS!

For me to write would require some concentration beyond what it requires for me to come up with a creative word in Words With Friends or busting down a particularly hard structure in Angry Birds. I have to put a logical thought in a continuous manner when I write.....and I am to lazy to do that right now.

I am not laying around  in my t-shirt and underwear all day watching Real Housewives  ( I only do that when the kids go to bed ).  I have been organizing the house, exercising, playing with my kids,

......looking for work that will work around my school schedule......

The next two years are going to be crazy....school, work, family.....LIFE....

I am just enjoying the silence before the storm.....and enjoying time with my kiddos this summer....

....I am enjoying sleeping in...

....I am enjoying Kenzie climbing in bed with me in the morning and watching some T.V....

....I am enjoying my morning runs....

....I am enjoying the kids friends and all their giggles as they come and go all day....

....I am enjoying my evening walks with my girls and all stories they share with me....

....I am enjoying  our afternoon movie watching just because we can....

....I am enjoying trips to the libraries and the nightly reading of these books....


So my dear friend don't be concerned....life is okay...it is just a quiet summer spent at home.....


just enjoying ......

Who's Awesome?

I wish I could give you the complete  before and after photo but we will call this half-way there photo. Okay, so this before photo was taken right after I had Makenzie but that was basically my starting weight when I started this whole diet thing...... my heaviest weight and what I consider my starting weight.

I think I should get props for not dolling myself up for the after photo...I am au-natural....but hey we are not criticizing the hair and makeup right?!

Me and the kids were flipping through old pictures today and it was one of my twins that said, "Wow, you have lost weight mom!"...so I knew I had this shirt in the back of my closet so I put it on and realized it was big so I had to kinda cinch the back and they took a pic of me...remember... au-natural.....

I am half way there at this point......

so today I took a moment to say........

79 DAYS....79

Summer has officially begun. The kids are home for the next 79 days.....79 days.......79

Supplies, verbal exchanges, and  nourishment  needed for day one so far has been.....

*  3 bowls of Lucky Charms

*  2 AAA batteries for mini Wii remote

*  2 tsps children's ibuprofen

* 1 hug and TLC for child that upchucked her Lucky Charms and children's ibuprofen

* 1 blankie, teddy bear, and pillow pet to console sick child

* 2 cold cut sandwiches

* 2 glasses of milk

* 2 band-aids for child doing dishes and slicing finger on a knife

* 1 glass of ginger ale for sick child

* 1 hug and TLC for child that upchucked her ginger ale

* 2 bananas with nutella

* 3 verbal smackdowns involving  threatening grounding for summer if chores were not done today

* 2 reminders to brush teeth

* 1 hug and TLC for child that upchucked who knows what at this point

* 1 bedroom now being used as an imaginary " HIGH FASHION CORPORATE OFFICE"

* 1 round of Wii London Olympic Games gymnastic competition

* 1 threat to stop demonstrating  Olympic wrestling on the couch

* 2 BBQ burgers and a handful of sweet potato fries

* 2 glasses of crystal light

* 1 hug and TLC for child that upchucked nothing.......just dry heaves at this point...

* 2 bowls of orange sherbet
 
* 1 small glass of Gatorade for sick child

* 1 used notebook now filled with numerous drawings and scribbles

* 2 reminders to brush teeth and wash face

* 3 I love you's and goodnights

* 1 book read to sick child and hopes of healthy tomorrow

* 2 books read in bed

* 3 lights being turned out to rest up to prepare for the .....

next day.......

79 days....79

Why is it?

Why is it.............

That when you are try to make food lifestyle changes...oh hell, lets call it what it is, DIET!.. That everything in your life that you should not eat suddenly becomes an insatiable desire that will not go away? I have three sugar cookies sitting on the counter that make me salivate every time I pass them. I swear one spoke to me and said, "C'mon...you know you want be baby!".....and I swear I answered it back, "Mmmm....yes I do"...as I licked my lips.......

Okay...I will stop before this turns into the next Fifty Shades of Grey novel....but instead called, Fifty Shades of Frosting......

Why is it..........

That sometimes a child can be more profound than the most brilliant of adults?  I was driving in to Costco so I could get some healthy snacking items in my house, so that me and the sugar cookies would stop flirting with one another. My youngest car seat has been in the same place in our Ford Expedition forever now. She has decided that she is tired of this spot and every time we get in the car she moves her booster seat to somewhere else in the car. Really she only has three other spots she can move to but these small moves are apparently profound to her. On our ride in to Salt Lake she says, "Mom, moving my car seat is good for me." ...... I play along by saying, "Why is that?".....She responds by saying, "Because it gives me a whole new look at things, I can see things I have not seen before...she pauses.....and says, "Everyone should move to different seat every once in awhile so they can get a new look at things."

I know the statement was literal for her....she just thinks that everyone should see a different scenic view every once in awhile...or... that was her hint that she would like to ride shotgun at some point in her life. However, the statement made me smile...so simple.....so right. So many hot button issues in the world...maybe some of us should just look at things from a new place...and just maybe we could gain a new perspective.

Why is it.....

I can go over my legs with a razor 50 times and still miss a patch of hair on the back of my legs?

Why is it.....

I had a huge list of things I wanted to get done this summer before I head back to school this fall.....and I have done none of it so far? I will try to cram it all in to the last two weeks of summer because that is how I roll!

Why is it .......

I really want to make this now .......and eat the whole thing...four key words...Pretzel, Cookie, Peanut Butter, Pie...enough said

Why is it....

I will never have abs that look like this?................

.....four key words......Pretzel, Cookie, Peanut Butter, Pie.....enough said!

Just Catching Up

I am done with school for the summer........hmmmm....I am a bit lost because...I have no papers, quizzes, reading, tests.....I have not had a summer off of school since I started...

...honestly...it feels great.....I need this summer off to recharge my mental batteries....I took two naps last week?!..and I didn't even pull out my laptop... I cleaned house and watched T.V.....I am beginning to feel normal again. I am going to begin looking for a part time job for the summer...extra cash and some work experience in the health field.

I got my final grades..my final grades at USU...I ended with a 3.82....dang anatomy and college algebra...they knocked me off my perfect record.....math, I suck at...anatomy I blame on the professor, he sucked at teaching it......However I got an A in pathology this semester...next to anatomy it was one of my toughest courses...I am proud of that A! If you saw my textbook and all those big words in it you would be proud too!

Last weekend my mom and Aunt Jackie came to town. They did some shopping at our new mall downtown...gorgeous mall!

Mom came down to see Makenzie's dance recital. The theme this year was, "Going to the Movies".

Makenzie danced to, "When You Wish Upon A Star" and "All the Single Ladies". Makenzie has lived in her costumes since the recital....if she could, she would live everyday in dress up and costumes especially if it is sparkly or princessy.....

Adrian's 40th Birthday was Wednesday...we celebrated by leaving the kids behind and going to the movies. We saw Avengers...pretty darn good. Tried a new recipe...ended up making it twice this week....it is called earthquake cake and it is yummy..it is simple and yummy.....if you like german chocolate cake you will give it a thumbs up....I am working on losing that 30 pounds by the end of summer so I only had one slice out of those two cakes I baked.....I think I should get two thumbs up for amazing self control.

http://www.sweettreatsmore.com/2012/04/earthquake-cake.html

Saturday morning I got to go do my one of favorite traditions. I walked in the Susan G Komen walk and it was as inspirational as usual. I went in support of mom as always (MOTHER! You will come down for this next year!) but also the same friend I also walked for last year, Jill. Jill is going through her second round of chemo because it spread to her lungs but her prognosis looks good and she is beating that insidious cancer. My aunt is also a breast cancer survivor and she was there but I could not find her amongst the large crowd ( so I borrowed one of my cousins pictures she posted on Facebook...thanks :) )...come to find out she was holding one of the signs in the survivor parade .....she is also one of those strong inspiring ladies.

My Aunt Dixie and her daughters Chrystal and Sabrina ( Sorry.. I had to poach your picture)

 

Jill

On our 5K walk...new route this year....

The survivor ceremony

 My sweet neighbor Lisa

Jill...being Jill.....showing her mighty strength...she cracks me up!

Saturday we had my mother-in-laws famous gumbo...once again trying to watch what I eat...but...I will never pass up a gumbo and hush puppies...and I had just walked a 5k so a few extra yummy calories was not going to kill me.

Makenzie is done with school this week and the twins the following week...on to summer....no grand plans... just a part time job...and....

some much needed mental R and R!

Fighting My Inner Demon....Cupcakes!

So lets talk diet...weight loss......cutting of calories......exercise.......

For all you ladies who were blessed with the skinny genetics...Dang you and your superior genetics!

For  all the ladies who fight the fat but take care of yourself and exercise...I aspire to be like you!

For all the ladies who yo yo but never can find that healthy groove.....I feel your pain!

For all you ladies you go to horrible extremes to lose weight...STOP!! It is not worth the harm you are doing to yourself physically...mentally....just STOP!!!

I am not sure why I picked this body before I came to this earth?! I can hear the description of my physical appearance now.....Thick hair that is neither straight or curly but frizzy...Dry flaky skin.....thin lips....stumpy legs with ample thighs....large buttocks....average height......and the metabolism speed of a sloth....I am positive I said I will take it and the next physical body that came up for grabs was Gisele Budchen.


I actually lost almost 50 pounds last year...and then...well life happened...stress happened....

this happened.....

and though I did not put all the weight back on I put back on a lot of it....boooooo.......

So after the holidays and things settled down I found myself getting ready to go on a cruise, and my summer capris not wanting to button......so me and my dust riddled treadmill had a heart to heart conversation.

It went something like this:

Oh treadmill, you have sat and gathered dust for the last few months years and I am sorry for that but it is time to become reacquainted again. It is time that we become friends again, you and I will become allies on this war I fight with fat. Be kind to me...don't spit me off and send me sailing in to the wall behind me.......

...be patient with me and my slow speeds to begin with......work my butt till I am dripping sweat and don't let me stop until I am finished with my workout.

So I began exercising in the morning..I started barely walking a mile..then I felt myself increasing the speed and the distance...soon I was running......

I know I look similar to this when I run.......

But I am in the privacy of my basement... so I embrace my awkwardness and just go with it.......

I run for about 20-25 minutes in the morning and then if my evening allows it I run for another 20-25 minutes....it works for me..it works for me to break it up..I can't exercise for hours straight...I have attention problems and get distracted easily. When my muscles are not slightly sore the next day  I  increase my speed and distance to feel that little bit of burn. I will start some toning and strength training over the summer.....I am taking baby steps and right now I am just working on cardio....

I am watching what I eat but I am not a food Nazi...I eat three balanced meals...and grab a few healthy snacks throughout the day. I treat myself to some goodies here and there but always in moderation. I will have a healthy relationship with food at some point in my life...I love food.. but I don't need to LOVE food.

... my body is saying thank you and giving me lots of inside hugs....

I have lost how many pounds in 10 weeks?..........

Not biggest loser kind of weight loss but it is just right for me...some weeks I lose nothing...some weeks I lose 4 pounds.....I weigh myself once a week and cheer if I lose some and shrug it off when nothing has been lost.

So 15 weeks from now is my 37th birthday and my goal is to lose another 30. That is basically two pounds a week between now and then.

Realistic.....doable........healthy......

So in 15 weeks I can put this number up as pounds lost.....

Where Will You Be In Ten Years?

I am an activities leader in my church. Basically twice a month I have to entertain some girls between the ages of 8-11 for an hour and half.  The last time we met it was my turn to lead the activity and come up with what we were going to do. The women in the church are putting together a time capsule. The women in the church are encouraged to place a current picture, family history, and share something about themselves in the time capsule. The time capsule will be opened 30 years later ( that would make me 66 when it is opened). So my idea was to have the girls make a mini time capsule for themselves, to be opened when they are 21. I had them include  a testimony or their feelings about the church,  I had them fill out some information about themselves, where they see themselves in 10-13 years from now, and I took a picture of them. They are to put it somewhere they won't lose it and open it sometime in the future ( I suspect most will lose it or open it in a month).

In the process of doing this project I showed the girls some of my own personal items, pictures, and how much life changes over a ten year period, and how quickly life moves. I showed a picture of me at age 8 and things I had scrapbooked from that age. I then showed a picture of me ten years later.....it was my wedding photo...and ten years (plus a couple more years) after that......I had my family portrait with my three kids gathered around me....

First..... of all I discovered I have definitely hit that "middle age" mark. One of the questions I had the girls answer was, what is your favorite song?  One of the girls said her favorite song was by some group.....a group I had never heard of......a group that apparently is very popular right now...a boy bandish type of group. I said, "I have never heard of that group."...the look I received from all the girls was look of horror..a look of....."HOLY CRAP YOU ARE OLD"...kinda look. I gave that same look at that age to older people..... that same look if they didn't know all the songs by Michael Jackson or The Police......I am now that same "older" person......sigh........

Secondly.....Eventhough I was trying to show the girls how fast time flies, I think I was more in shock about how much life can change over ten years.....

Ten years ago I had sweet two year old twins that kept me on my toes at all times. They ran around speaking jibber jabber and getting into anything they could get their pudgy little toddler fingers in to. I was in a full on mom mode...baking....cleaning....playdates....scrapbooking....it was wonderful and I am so glad I was able to be with my kiddos. However; over the next ten years economic changes happened...I became a bit restless at home.....I knew I needed something else.....I needed something a little more in my life....

so...I went back to college......and now we here we are....ten years from that toddler totting momma....

 .....I no longer have toddlers...I have two young women who are taller than me and are turning in to beautiful women.......

 ......we have another addition to our family who begins 1st grade next year....the sky is limit for this little one.....

....I am still madly, deeply, truly in love with this man.......

....and me...well...here I am... older... maybe a little wiser...and a graduate of college with honors....

Wow! .......Ten years......gone in a blink of the eye......

.....Wonder what life has in store for the next ten years?

.....I am not sure but I am ready for the adventure..........

You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something- your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

~ Steve Jobs