Time Out For Family

I am not a fan of the heat...Now don't get me wrong, by January I am looking for a little warmth, but overall I like cooler weather. Most people hit the amusement parks, zoo, and other outdoor activities in the summer months. I tend to avoid large crowds in the heat....I get cranky! So usually when October hits I come out of my summer hibernation and participate in outdoor activities. It is normally much cooler, the crowds are minimal...and as a result, I don't get cranky, so we tend to do a lot of our family outings in the fall. This last three months I have been swamped with work, school, and money has been tight, so we have not done our normal fall activities. No Oktoberfest...no Lagoon...no Park City.... no weekend getaways...Nothing! My sister-in-law had some free tickets for the zoo that expired at the end of the month and I made it a point to make sure we got to the zoo before the end of the month. Thanks Becky for giving us some much needed family time......

2 Years, 3 Months Later...SMILE!

2 years 3 months ago

One year ago

Today

 Happy kiddo with a beautiful smile

McDonalds, It Can Be Therapeutic!

When we had the twins I decided to stay home, and I was a housewife for a lot of years. I will readily admit that being at home with toddler twins was challenging...and by challenging.....I mean bang your head repeatedly on a spike studded 2X4 challenging.

My days consisted of...

 Blues Clues...... I became very attached to Steve....then Steve went to college....I don't want to talk about it..it was traumatic!

Missing sippy cups that of course had milk in them...to be found three days later with curdled milk in them...oh the horror of that smell. If you have never had a toddler, you have no idea of the importance of the sippy cup. Look, when it comes to the importance of inventions in my book, sippy cups are in the top ten, it is a close second to TiVo and Spanx.

Countless hours of picking up toys that I had just picked up two minutes before. I had a bright idea to buy them a ball pit at some point...worst idea ever!

Hours spent trying to use child psychology to convince two two year olds that they cannot go to preschool until they are potty trained....it all came down to old fashioned bribery...M&M's to be exact....it went something like this..."You go pee in that potty chair and you get chocolate and sugar made into colorful yummy goodness...and you go poop in that same potty and I will give you the whole damn 8 pound bag of colorful yummy goodness."

Countless hours spent agonizing if it is really worth it to load the kids up in their car seats, coats, mittens, and hats to go to the grocery store. "Do they really need milk and bread?" I would ask myself. Now, to the person who has not had a toddler this seems like a stupid question to ponder, but to the person who has had a toddler, this a perfectly legitimate dilemma. See, if I took them to the store, it turned into what felt like an expedition to Dante's inferno and back. At some point in our grocery trip someone would have cried, pooped, or needed a Band-Aid...and is all that worth it for milk...I think not!

Now there was other aspects to being home also...I may or may not have participated in...like....

.... watching the whole T.V. series of Dawson's Creek, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and 7th Heaven....

....Spending a few hours here and there talking to friends on the phone in similar situations...they kept me sane!

......Some days were spent in my PJ's the whole day

.....Countless hours of baking and cooking fun stuff...hence why I gained copious amounts of weight.

...and there were honestly days I did nothing....nothing at all....

So why am I reminiscing about this blip in my life?

I saw a small glimmer of what I looked like back then...in my husband...this last week.

So my schedule is busy...I am gone a lot...my hubby has been playing Mr. Mom. He has been home the last 2 months on workman's comp because of his broken tibia.

I came home after a 12 hour day...it was one of many 12 hour days....

Dinner was burnt...the kids were grounded...he had not attempted to groom himself in a few days....the house was trashed...

I was pissed at first when I walked into this chaos....

I thought.."What the hell, I have been busting my butt all day and I come home to this?"...."What have you been doing all day?"

...I also discovered he ritually watched criminal minds reruns on T.V...wore the same shorts daily... spent a lot of time playing online video games...was trying new recipes and upset that I had not praised a new recipe he made, he vehemently let me know his disappoint in my lack of acknowledging his hard work on this recipe......

it was me...

11 years ago... minus the ponytail and toddler boogers wiped on my clothes.

...all my days of being a "housewife".... and some days...

 I just failed at it...I flopped....I should have been fired some days!

So what did I do...I put my jacket back on...told the kids to get their shoes...asked the husband to change his clothes (remember he has been wearing the same shorts daily).... and get in the car....

We went to McDonald's for dinner...The kids were happy...the husband was happy he was getting out of the house and "mom" was home.....It is not 5 five star dining but in that moment it is what is needed.

The same thing happened on many occasions 11 years ago...Adrian loading us all up in the car...the toddlers were happy, and I was happy I was getting out of the house... and "dad" was home.

This is marriage...marriage with kids.....

 Perfectly imperfect. It is complicated, messy, full of flaws, and lacks five star dining...and....

Some day's we just fail at it...

Some day's we flop on our face...

Some day's we really should be fired....

...and some day's.....

We just need that one person who is willing to takes us to....

.... McDonald's.....

Just Life and All Things Involved

In the past month.... few weeks....few days.... today.... and right now...this is what has been happening....

About a month and a half ago she turned 6...she may be going on 26....seriously, she tried to convince me she needs a cell phone.

They turned 13 this past month...they may be going on 3....I say that out of love, but they are teens..you understand.

About a month ago I got to spend a weekend with this guy..my dad...

I started school and the last few weeks we started simulation type labs to practice nursing skills. This is us practicing dressing a wound (and yes, that is a butt, next week we do foley catheters..I think you can imagine what that simulation part looks like)....guess what... this simulation came in handy... because the other day I got to dress a real wound that was just as deep and nasty as this one...and it was AWESOME!!!

 These past few weeks I have worked a lot...I work at a skilled care center that has long term care, rehabilitation unit, and a Alzheimer's unit. All units have there pros and cons when working them but overall it has been good.  Lets face it when working with predominately geriatric patients the highlights of the day is when they do this (see below)...I wish I could give them this t-shirt....it would also make my job easier when it came to charting, then I would not have to ask them the inevitable question everyday.....

This is what my google search looks like on my phone over the past week. Please note the third search on the list...I study...I stress.... I want to eat...and eat....and eat so I start looking at my favorite food blogs and then I snap out of it and begin my scholastic search again

 

 

The last few days...well....I hit my wall....I am tired, emotionally drained, exhausted kindof wall...my days start really early and end late with no rest in between...but...like everyone else going through the same feelings and exhausting schedule...you just keep going...because...well that is what you do....

 

 

 

Today I did my weekly cleaning at my in-laws. My mother-in-law is going through chemo for breast cancer...it has been tough going..name it and she has experienced it. Just this week she had to go through a blood transfusion. I love her and my heart aches a little time I see her....she has two more chemo treatments to go....

 

 

Right now....I am sitting on the couch watching Avengers with my family....

 

...and believe you and me....

 

 there is no other place I would rather be........

 





Wobbling!

Please watch the short clip above first.......

okay.....

So the man starts with some hesitation but goes ahead......

a smile on his face....

then the skateboard speeds up and things get wobbly....

the smile turns to Holy S*%#!....

and then it turns to chaos, fear, and wanting to find a way out....

then he finds himself in  the weeds, trying to figure out what just happened.....


This is a dramatic interpretation of my life the last few weeks.

I have begun nursing school, and I feel like this man....out of control and just trying to hang on.....hoping I don't end up in the weeds, trying to figure out what just happened.


Stress has over taken my life at the moment. I am working....hubby has a fractured tibia and is on crutches, so he is limited in what he can help with.....taking care of the home....attending to all the children's needs....

and in the middle of all this ...19 days of school.....has brought me.... assignments, papers, tests, quizzes, interviews, labs, orientations....that far exceed the number 19........

In 19 days I have probably done as much as I do in half a semester in most classes....

My sleep is short......my eyes are heavy...my blood pressure is high (I made a Dr's appt Monday to get that under control before I stroke out).........Anxiety is creeping in........

If my head was not attached I would probably lose it...........

So we have 20 other students in this program...

and guess what?

They feel just like me, they are following behind me, in front of me...wobbling their way down this course...just hanging on for dear life, just like me!

I thought it was me just overreacting, but this course seems to attract a certain kind of a person. The kind of person that looks at an obstacle and because of their over achieving, stubborn, neurotic, controlling, OCD personality..... they think, "Sure, I can do this!"

Then this personality starts down the hill.. and things start slipping out of their control. They start wobbling, their straight A's become B's, they can't figure out how to put on a sterile glove properly, then they figure if they can't get on sterile gloves properly how in the hell are they ever going to insert an NG tube or begin an IV......wobbling, wobbling, wobbling.......

Here we are nursing students...bound together in some strange way.....

All of us just trying to hang on, and not end up in the weeds.

" I am pretty sure you deserved that beating!"

I am not old per say...I am officially middle age now....I remember my parents at the age I am now.....maybe I am old?

When I hear people say they were born in the 80's... or....the dreaded 90's....seriously there is nothing worse than sitting in one of my classes at school and hearing the birthdate of a fellow student is the year I graduated high school....damn whipper snappers and their youthful glow!

So my generations parents still believed in the corporal punishment..meaning...getting your butt whipped for wrong doings. There was no such thing as time out, or meaningful psychiatric sessions on why you decided to shave the dog with your mothers razor....you were not allowed to defend yourself....you were guilty before proven innocent.

And normally most people around my relative age or older have that story....you know that....

 "STORY"

That "Story" you pull out during the holidays in the presence of your parents about that unjustified beating you received as a child. You share the ghastly experience with much flair, oomph, and pizazz, about the injustice of pain that was brought down upon you, and how you will never forget it.

and normally your parents reaction is a blank stare followed up by the statement ....

"I am sure you deserved the beating!"

...and then they share several other examples of beatings that may have been justified...like painting your bedroom wall with Vaseline or shutting the family dogs tail in the door....

..and there you are left with no justice or apology..just various examples of wrong doings of your childhood....so you tuck it away in your back pocket to bring up at the next family celebration in hopes your parents will see the wrongs of their way.

My father shared his "STORY" while at a family reunion... and I even took a picture of the scene of the punishment or crime against humanity ....whatever you want to call it....

Lets face it, everyone has that "STORY", and we all understand and listen to these "STORIES" because we all have one and feel their injustice.

My father was playing in this area with his cousin. There was an old abandoned car that was his grandfathers that sat here, and the kids would play in the car. You can't see in the photo but there is a creek that runs through town, and it is a steep V shape,the walls are concrete with jagged rocks all along it. Well my dads mom brought my dads younger brother, and their other cousin outside, and asked my dad to watch after them. My dad states, that his mother looked at Miles (my dads brother) and Brenda ( my dads cousin) before going back inside and told them to stay away from the creek. About this time his other cousin (Cheryl) is having a hard time opening the car door on the abandoned car so my dad begins to help her, and he is just tall enough to see over the hood of the car, to see Brenda take Miles hand go to the edge of creek and fall down the steep concrete walls down to the creek and out of sight of my dad. Brenda did not let go, she took Miles with her. Miles was young, maybe 4 at most. Dad goes to the creek and Brenda is a little scrapped up, but just wet, but his baby brother was tumbling down the creek with reckless abandon. Luckily Mile's caught the edge of a rock further down the creek and washed up the side of the concrete walls. He had blood pouring from his head and face, he was beat up.

My dad gets him, and walks him back to the house. By this time his mom was outside, and here comes dad with his bloody baby brother in tow. Which by the way, Miles still has a scar on his chin from this incident.

Now here is where the "STORY" part is. It was technically Brenda's fault..but here is the problem, Brenda is mentally handicapped...so not really accountable...so who is accountable...the one left in charge even though he could have done nothing to prevent it. Brenda was patted on the head and asked if she was okay and then my dads mother picked him up, and as he says, "gave him the beating of his life!" ...and then his aunt (Brenda's mother) comes outside and pats Brenda on the head and then proceeds to pick up my dad and beat him also. So not just one beating, but two were given that day, even though it was Brenda's fault.

If my grandmother and great aunt were still alive I am sure their response would be.......

"I am sure he deserved the beating!"

So this takes place in 1950's now lets fast forward to about 1980 or so....and let me share my "STORY".

I know my mom thinks I am going to share the "Christmas/Ungrateful Brat" incident....

That "STORY" is debatable..I got my butt beat...it was more my sisters fault that things escalated.... but she was past the butt beating age... so I was the one that got the wrath of a haggard, tired mother on Christmas day.....It is a "STORY" but there is some reasonable doubt involved in that "STORY".....because I may, or may not have, kicked my sister in the shin at some point in that "STORY".....

Anyways I have a "STORY" where there is no reasonable doubt....I was beat, punished,....and...dare I say tortured.....

That is right...my parents probably have the quizzical look on their face right now...this was moms doing...so dad your off the hook.

Children of the 80's remember the beloved Hot Cycle?

Mine was that girl one.....with the blue and pink.....I loved that thing!!

So I had just gotten that beloved cycle, and me and the neighbor girl were playing together. We were taking turns on the bike and then this neighbor girl decided to no longer share MY bike...she would not give it back...so we began to argue back and forth. My mom must have heard us arguing, she came outside, grabbed me, and beat my butt in front of this neighbor girl, and then told me to go inside. Mom let this girl ride my Hot Cycle the rest of the day. I was sharing...the neighbor girl was not sharing.......and she was rewarded... and I was beat.

My mother does not have a response for this story, she decided to go with,

 "I don't remember doing that, that never happened!"......

The ol' I don't remember angle..uh huh....

It is my "STORY" and I remember it like it was yesterday.


I bring all this up because in one of the twins classes they exchange a journal back and forth with their teacher. One of the questions the teacher asked was, "What has been the worst day your life"..... The response of the twin was...

... the day she was sent to her room... not once,......not twice...but three times for various things that were not her fault!

So I am prepared and I am armed for the day when we are sitting around ...when they are adults with their own children...and she brings up this day of infamy in her head...

...the day injustice was done to her......and shares her "STORY" with me....

and I can say.......

"I am pretty sure you deserved it!"

Let Me Tell You A Little Bit About A Man I Have Never Met.

Do you have those months that seem to go by like a blur? This last month was crazy busy...between work, the girls and I going back to school, and all the other daily life tasks that need to be done. I am not ready to discuss the minor anxiety attacks I already have had over school. I just keep trying telling myself to take a deep breath and relax ....but some days my body and head are not working together in a calm organized fashion.

Anyways I had a weekend trip to look forward to ...take my mind off of conversions and ratio exams for pharmacology. I had planned a trip to my dads childhood home. My dad did not live there his whole childhood but it is the place he calls home. I have not lived in Idaho since seventh grade and yet I always call Idaho home..so... Creede, Colorado is his home.

 

 

The reason for going was a family reunion. The Miles/Fairchild reunion....my great grandmother divorced and remarried a Fairchild so like most families nowadays it was a blended family. It is kind of funny because you can tell which side of the family people came from. The Fairchild side had  fair features..blue eye's, fair hair... and the Miles side exudes their Native American dark features...dark eye's and dark hair. 

 

 

This is the first time my dad has been back since his grandmother passed away, which was in the mid 70's. I think it brought back a flood of memories...good memories and memories of those who have since passed on. I personally have not met most of my dads family, I grew up with my dads brothers, and my grandma, a great aunt... that was virtually like a grandma, and some of my dads cousins ....but that was about it. It was finally a chance to connect all the stories I have heard over the years with faces and places.

 

My dads side of the family that I grew up around was loud, amazing story tellers, they drank a lot, teased ruthlessly, swore profusely,  and laughter was never lacking. They were big huggers, amazing cooks, and overall kind people. The Creede family...the family I have never met.. was exactly like the family that I grew up around. It is a blend of families... some look like the Miles side and some look like the Fairchild side..ultimately they are all family and come together as one.

 

I have stories I could share, and pictures to go along with them,  I want to share some because for me this is a journal in a sense and I don't want to forget some of things I heard this weekend....but homework is sitting next to me, calling my name, so stories will wait another day. However, tonight I would like to share one part of my trip and I think the most memorable.

 

 

My dads father passed away when my dad was a young teen. Talk about moments in your life that forever change you. He died of a heart attack, so it was sudden. The last time my dad has been in this spot is basically June 21, 1963. My grandpa was buried in Cedaredge, Colorado...not in Creede. His family lived in this town and kind of took over the funeral arrangements and he ended up here, but I think most in the family agree he would have preferred being buried in Creede.

 

I obviously never met my Grandfather. So here is what I have been told....

 

...his first name was Butler...but no one called him that ...he went by Bryan..his middle name

 

 

 

He worked in the mines...He is the one in the middle of the picture below.

 

 



 

My dad remembers him working the mines but my dad mostly remembers him being an Asayer in the mines. This is the guy who chemically figures out how much silver, gold, zinc etc was being mined in a particular spot.Below is a picture of the kind of equipment he used.

 

He helped construct and owned this theater in Creede.

 

 

 

He helped with the plans and construction of the local school. Apparently the mob came to town while building the school trying to convince my grandfather that it needed to be unionized. My grandfather said no, so they sent out a golden gloves boxer from out east to convince him otherwise....it did not go as planned..my grandfather knocked out the boxer in one punch...not so smart to mess with hard rock miners...they were as tough as the granite on the hills.

 

 



 

 

He loved my grandmother and my grandmother loved him. My grandmother gave me her wedding ring from my grandpa before she passed away..... I wear it on occasion.....

 

 

Friends and family said everyone loved him. He was fun and personable and all around a great guy. He is in the hat...second from the left....

 

 

 He was an undersheriff in Creede ( which is a deputy in Colorado ) also the coroner...It was a small town...everyone had a few jobs in town....One of my dads cousins is an undersheriff in town now. Just carrying on family tradition.

 

 



 

He loved his boys...his boys loved him...

 

 

He liked bourbon or whiskey. My dad has his Zippo lighter that he sat and flipped open and closed...sort of a habit of his...the lighter reminds my father of him....

 

So here is what I know..though I have never met my grandfather...I know he was there when my sister and I were born. He was there for holidays and when family came together to celebrate. He was there when I got married and when my babies were born.

 

...and.....

 

...I know he was there....

 

...when my father and I stood by his grave... and buried an amethyst stone from Creede beside his grave.....

 

...We brought a little piece of the place he loved back to him....

 

B. Bryan Beck  1912-1963