Wishin' and Hopin

There was  a singer named Dusty Springfield who was popular in the 60's. She sang a song called, Wishin' and Hopin. The first line of the song is:

"Wishing and hoping and thinking and praying, Planning and dreaming each night....."

I sent my nursing school application in at the end of February...I should be hearing soon.....the final answer.....the answer to what I need to do next...and my thoughts are filled with wishing that I can stay here to finish my schooling...hoping I get accepted...thinking about alternative plans if I don't get in....praying life is taking me where I am meant to be.......planning for the best situation but also preparing myself if I don't get in....dreaming, this will be over soon.......

I have been busy and distracted over the last month but now that the final answer is drawing closer I am ready...ready to move on.....ready to be a Weber State nursing student.....or....

...or......????....I honestly don't know the answer right now.....I am not sure where I am headed otherwise???.....

I am in limbo right now...everything is limbo right now.....

I need some definitive paths for awhile...I know life is never definitive, and you never know what is around the corner... but life as of late has been a continual question of..."What is around the corner"

Think about when you are on a long road trip....you have areas of the road where you have to hold on to the steering with both hands and concentrate on the sharp turns, hazardous road conditions, heavy traffic...then there are places in the road where it is straight, and you can see for miles ahead, and not another car in sight...you casually hold the wheel, and take in the sights around you......

I need a straight road for awhile....I need some calm....I am tired of holding to that steering wheel with all my strength waiting for what is around the corner......

In the meantime,....I am

.....Wishing and hoping and thinking and praying, Planning and dreaming........



Weighty Issue

My news content this week consisted of whatever hit the MSN homepage on the internet as I was passing by on my way to my online classes. One story hit me and made me cringe, I think most of you are probably aware of it, it was the Adele and Karl Lagerfeld story. Apparently Karl was quoted as saying, "Adele is a little too fat, but her face is beautiful and her voice is divine."

Here is Adele......

and Mr. Lagerfeld.........

Now if you were out and about, what person would you give a second glance at, and maybe giggle a little???? .......hmmm

Anyways on to my point.....Shame....SHAME on you Mr. Lagerfeld! This woman has established herself as one of the most influential female singers of our time..she is one of those rare talents that catches everyone's attention and her numerous awards prove it..YET....all you can see is her body....

This body that we all see...is a body that a lot of us women identify with. We don't identify with runway models and Hollywood starlets. Women see someone like Adele..they see a women that looks like them and and that gives them confidence that is okay not to be a size 2...success does not depend on being a size 2!

...her face is beautiful.....your fat but your face is beautiful....that does not cover up or make up for the words you said...what an insult! It is like saying your beautiful but your stupid..or ..your beautiful but I hate your freckles.......

Mr. Lagerfeld my heart hurt when I heard these comments...I don't have a runaway body...I will never have a runway body... but I know there is more to me than my fuller figure and curves....I would never want to hear,"she is smart, but she is a little too fat!" or " she is a good mom, but she is a little too fat!"

....I would never want my daughters to hear...." You have beautiful eyes but your a little too fat."

Who would you say such things?.....

....only a man behind sunglasses, a fake tan, botoxed forehead, and lipoed stomach would say such things...

Shame...Shame on you Mr. Karl Lagerfeld

Dear Life, Here is everything I really want to say!

I had to pay a parking ticket that I did not deserve so I paid it but I included a letter and proof why I did not deserve it. The parking ticket was only ten dollars...so why all the fuss..because..I could..I could write  a letter expressing my feelings...I began to wonder if I could do that with everything else going on in my life because I can honestly say I would feel a lot better....

I had to go do my Utah CNA skill certification...I won't know if I passed until next week...I am pretty sure I passed...I feel like I did everything right and I know for a fact my testing on the vitals was perfect .....but of course the pessimist side of me will sit and dwell on it until I get my official certification. I need this to be official because I am required to add it to my nursing application. If I fail because I did not say one specific word, which has been known to happen they will get a letter that goes as follows:

Dear Utah CNA certification department,

Remember this...someday.....you will be laying in a hospital bed...and I will be your nurse someday...I will remember you as one of those people who delayed my nursing application...bwahahahahaha!

Sociopathic potential nursing student,

Michele

I am taking a pathology class that is kicking my butt. The professor has decided because he has added an extra hour on to the class it will allow him sufficient amount of time to go through a 1132 pages worth of material.  We meet a total of 4 hours a week for 4 months....this equates to basically a test once a week...4 chapters worth to study...weekly...very detailed chapters...that take me days to dissect and figure out.........he used to do a lot of take home tests...but no not this semester......"sigh".... So all this means I am studying every weekend and other endless hours with my face in a pathology book. I would like to say to my professor:

Dear professor,

I know you have a nerdy passion for gram negative bacteria and a flair for pronouncing any Latin word that we come across with a heavy Latin accent that ends in copious amounts of spit spiddling from your mouth but I feel I need to remind you this is entry level pathophysiology not graduate school advance pathophysiology. I cannot process the information being given to me in the short amount of time I have been given...you are slowly chipping away at any amount of sanity I have left...I am on the edge...I am clinging with a pinkie at this point.....

Unstable, frantic, anxiety ridden, clueless, annoyed

Michele

My other two courses are fairly simple and I will be completely honest...I just want my A with little effort on my part because I basically don't care about the subject...I got an email from one of my professor that said I needed to participate sooner in the discussion sessions..I turn them in on time..just at last minute. I feel like sending a personal email  that states the following:

Dear Professor,

I know you like discussing this subject, that is why you teach this subject and I am glad you have found your passion. I on the other hand want to make it clear I have reached my threshold of information and sanity and will not be able to store what you are teaching in this class. You are the last of my classes before my nursing program begins and all your class is doing for me is filling my required class credit load and unfortunately pottery 101 was not available. I will get an A because my perfectionist side will not allow anything else but I will get this A with last minute discussion topics, test taking, and assigned papers. So thank you for your kind suggestion of posting my discussion topics earlier so I can get more responses from fellow students but I will have to nicely tell you "NO" and I will continue posting at last minute because I really don't care about my fellow online students thoughts and opinions.

   From your  uninterested...burned out...lazy....procrastinating student

              Michele!

And last but not least I need to fill out my nursing application and have it turned in by the end of the month....you have to include a paper about yourself..it includes accomplishments of mine...hobbies..my dreams...my wants...why I want this program...blah, blah, blah!!!! My ideal letter would go something like this:

Dear Weber Nursing Admissions,

Lets be honest I am not a typical college student with accomplishments that include university glee club, newspaper editor, and sigma phi alum, and track all star. I am 36 with a family, at best my daily accomplishments include a daily shower, less than 15 dishes in my sink, all the kids homework done before 8pm in the evening, and less than 5 loads of laundry to fold.

Hobbies or leisure activities? What is that word...it sounds familiar?! Birdwatching, mountain climbing, stamp collecting....no..lets see..my hobby is...children evading. It is simple my children yell mom at least 120 times a day and I evade them. It is a simple game of cat and mouse..it takes strategy and skill...I avoid, dodge, lay low, side step until they finally go find their father. It is truly a sport that takes time to master.

Why do I want to go to your school? Ummmm...because I have no other options and if I don't get in I am going to have to move my family to Texas...Arizona...Honduras...Timbuktu...just so I can find a nursing program that won't take me 6 years to get through.

           Desperate, exasperated, neurotic, tired, running out of time,

Michele

...oh all the things I wish I could say in a letter.............."sigh"

I guess we all have a right to our opinion.

I live here in the great state of Utah home of the LDS church. We have this university in Provo called BYU, have you heard of it? With March madness around the corner BYU's exceptional basketball team has been in the spotlight because of their basketball player Brandon Davies, have you heard of him? This is the player that has been in the middle of a public media frenzy. He was kicked off the basketball team for breaking the BYU honor code. The code includes no drinking, tobacco, illegal drugs, premarital sex, and various other dress and honesty codes. Brandon Davies got his girlfriend pregnant and therefore broke the honor code which in turn released him from the team. It has not been stated whether or not he will be joining the team next year or if he in fact will be able to stay at the school.

Everyone has an opinion on the subject here so I thought why not throw my opinion into the hornets nest......

First off all Brandon grew up in Utah county, grew up in the church, knew what BYU expects of their students. The honor code is drilled into the head of incoming students and students voluntarily sign this document. BYU had to stand by the same standards as they do with all their students even if basketball championships revenues are at risk. BYU has an exceptional academic program with amazingly intelligent students graduating every year..........

With all that being said I need to throw in my...but...comment....with all the local media high fives for BYU sticking by their standards I see a sophomore "kid" who is at the end of the day a "kid" who made a mistake. I am not a graduate of BYU, but have known a lot of students of BYU. The biggest complaint and the only complaint I ever heard about BYU was the honor code committee. I see the honor committee as a very black and white judgement, yet we as humans are subject to frailties and mistakes, we can't judge situations in black and white standards.

When transgressions are made within the church there is a series of disciplinary actions that one goes through, a series of steps and repentance to try to realign one self with the doctrine of the church. I see a committee that does not allow any room for realignment, I see a set of church standards that are expected of this code as extreme. Why can't BYU students work with church leaders and others to go through a repentance process like all other members, why does there have to be a committee that is only there for judgement and punishment.

I know BYU is not the only school with honor codes and I am not admonishing the LDS church or BYU. I see a kid who made a mistake, I don't think this is the time for this "boy" to get the iron fist thrown at him. I don't see this as a time to stand before a committee who passes down punishments. I see students hiding their transgressions in fear of the punishment of the knee jerk reactions of the honor committee.

I guess I just see irony that is all. Every member of the church has a process of repentance and forgiveness but BYU students are only offered this after judgement has been passed down....and that goes against what I feel is right.

Mean Moms

I am currently taking an English course that teaches you how to write college papers such as research and rhetoric papers. It has been interesting and has made me step away from my blog type writing and actually have to write something in depth with hints of intelligence. We are getting ready to begin our process of doing our research paper and I think my topic will be something about capitalism and our economy...ya,ya ...politics, government, corruption...blah, blah, blah...you know what I would really love to focus my research on....."Mean Moms". Have you seen the movie Mean Girls? Well if you have not it is the pack mentality that teenager girls adopt to survive the hell that we call High School. Each girl in the popular "clique" is given a particular personality,the slut; the stupid one, the gossip; and of course the queen bee. I have learned through careful observation that this mentality seems to follow some women out of high school and they continue to carry on this mean girl persona so I have aptly named them "Mean Moms".


You have to observe these moms in their natural habitat like a playground but one of the ideal places to observe these women is at the children's museum. They thrive in this environment. First of all they feel as though because they have purchased an expensive membership to this educational environment it automatically gives them that heir of educational superiority. They have purchased this membership to further their child's vast intelligence so that they can go to kindergarten already understanding the laws of physics. The "Mean Moms" gather together with there whole foods snacks, 300 dollar purses, and 1000 dollar extensions. The clothes vary, it is either really expensive jeans with high heel shoes and chunky jewelery or it is the yoga gear to prove that had just recently worked out with their trainer. The hair has highlights and they always have eyelash extensions and freshly manicured fingers. They discuss their children's overly scheduled activities and how their coaches don't give them enough play time. They gossip about there neighbors and their friends and whatever charity event they are involved in.


There is always a lead mom, the queen bee mom. She is the type A personality with the blackberry out at all times. She dominates the conversation and all eye's revolve around her to see what the next move is. The rest are just followers they are usually wearing clothes that are to young for them and they laugh and enthusiastically agree with everything that the queen bee has to say.


I watch and I think to myself, Why? Why can't they leave high school behind? Are they trying to run for homecoming queen? Why am I observing you? Am I jealous?.........


Well if you know me, the last question is easy to answer, NO! I was never part of clique let alone wanting to be part of one as an adult but isn't it weird even as an adult you feel excluded and secretly know that you would never be accepted to that group and that leaves you with that unsure 15 year old feeling......hmmmm.....


See isn't this so much more fascinating then Capitalism and its impact on the economy.....well I suppose I will go on quietly observing these moms at school events, grocery stores, birthday parties, and playgrounds and wonder if we ever truly outgrow the politics of cliques.

Halloween Rant!

So here is my parental rant for the day and if you know me you have heard this rant before. It is my Halloween costume rant. My twins wear junior size clothing and apparently according to those who make Halloween costumes feel that my 11 year old needs to be a slut for Halloween. It can be a nurse slut, prison slut, witch slut, devil slut, pirate slut, pixie slut, goth slut.....and the list goes on and on. If my girl is 11 or 19 I hope I have taught her enough common sense that she can decide on her own that there are other cute Halloween costume choices aside from being a SLUT!

Why has this become the new fad? The media and marketers have decided collectively that all girls should wear as little on this holiday to prove their sexiness. Listen I am not a prude but I think you can look sexy as women without blatantly looking like you just stepped off a bad adult film set and I especially do not want my 11 year old looking like she just came from an adult film set.

So to the marketing companies I want to say, PLEASE, let my child be a child and try not to dress them up as some pedophiles fantasy!

So I suppose we are off to the local thrift store to come up with something on our own and I promise you it will be three times more creative and they will look appropriate for their age!

" I wouldn't eat that"....

End of another term and I didn't come out smelling like roses this term just a wilted carnation. It was a rough term with a lot of bumps and bruises. I will give myself an A in effort but between the professors and the difficult subjects my mind seemed to short circuit a few times with what I think will be long lasting ramifications to my mental health. With numerous hours of study and 15 plus hours of studying a week placed in one class alone I was an emotional wreck by the end of term. My failure at an A in any class set me into a ravenous food binge that I quickly regretted the next day. I have been on a diet that has restricted my fat and sugar intake so the ingestion of numerous large chocolate covered shortbread cookies resulted in what could have been a perfect example of a Pepto-Bismol commercial. I thought to myself, not only is it harder for me to retain and remember information at my age resulting in my having to study twice as hard as that 19 year old college student next to me, but that 19 year old student probably can ingest vast amounts of baked goods from Costco and not have irritable bowel syndrome the next day.



I remember being 16 years old and me and a friend eating cookie dough and drinking massive amounts of Dr. Pepper and then we would finish it off with pepperoni pizza rolls. Just typing that list of ingredients makes my lower intestine cringe a little. Speaking of intestines cringing I know someone who decided to spread their bagel for breakfast with some cream cheese that had been left out overnight and this person said I was silly for saying, "I wouldn't eat that!" I think a food object that is found in the grocery store in the refrigerated section probably should stay refrigerated..just saying. Well the result of this somewhat perplexing decision resulted in this someone spending sometime with the porcelain god.



I would like to at this time continue on with the important subject of expiration dates on food. I am finding that our parents generation is not as concerned with the stamp of expiration on a food product. I could do a whole thesis on the subject but I will keep it short. Now granted I am one of those people who can't take a swallow of milk if it is one day pass the expiration date which though I know logically it is still okay I just can't bring myself to drink it. I do know though that if something has been expired for more than year it probably is not best to eat it. Is it my Generation X upbringing that makes me weary of everything. I grew up in the generation of razor blades in the apple, contaminated Tylenol, e-coli, salmonella, and the list goes on. I feel though that I am safe in my argument that if you proceed to eat a yogurt that is a year past expiration it probably is not going to taste to good yet some in this baby boomer generation throw caution to the wind and try to eat it nonetheless. Anyways, I could go on about this subject because I have done vast amounts of observing the expiration date criteria with my Gen X generation and that of my parents generation but I won't write my novel on that subject tonight.

I am going to conclude tonight by saying what I know about my eating criteria at age 34. I will no longer eat huge quantities of baked goods from Costco even if it sounds like a good idea at the time. I will not eat anything if it is expired for more then a day; I know it is extreme but it is my phobia so deal with it. I do not eat butterfingers,sauerkraut oatmeal,vienna sausages, oysters and brussel sprouts strictly for personal reasons. I will not eat dairy products if left out overnight or if the expiration date is older then my youngest child. I can not eat cold pizza or most leftovers cold, most have to be microwaved. Now if you excuse me I think I am going to go clean out my pantry.....